"Don't Be A Dick, Dad." | Episode #305 | NSFW

1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,840
(upbeat music)

2
00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:02,580
- Oh, wake up, daddy, show 'em.

3
00:00:02,580 --> 00:00:05,340
(upbeat music)

4
00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:07,480
Welcome, welcome, welcome everybody

5
00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:11,580
to the dad's home podcast episode number 305.

6
00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:12,540
(upbeat music)

7
00:00:12,540 --> 00:00:15,280
I'm Bauer, that is Mr. Chad.

8
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:20,700
Welcome to what has been largely at least

9
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:23,700
around my house of very depressing weekend.

10
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,260
It's been a little bit more than a couple weeks.

11
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,100
It's been a tough week.

12
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,900
- That was my week last week, so.

13
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,420
- Right, so what do you do?

14
00:00:30,420 --> 00:00:32,300
It was going to happen some point in time

15
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:36,340
and between the lions getting crushed,

16
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,860
which I did not expect to happen.

17
00:00:38,860 --> 00:00:41,540
My daughter having a softball tournament

18
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:44,100
in which all three games were lost.

19
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:47,740
But, and by the way, it was one of those tournaments

20
00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:49,140
and Chad, I know you've been to them,

21
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:50,140
you've been wearing them,

22
00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:52,580
but they still don't get any easier the older I get.

23
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:57,580
Your first game starts at 9.50 in the evening.

24
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,300
And then you have that for 70 minutes

25
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:01,500
and then you've got a bit of a delay

26
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:03,340
and then you've got a second game that kicks in

27
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:07,340
at about midnight, wraps up about 115 in the morning.

28
00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:09,100
That happened all weekend for us.

29
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:12,300
So, it was, and then we lost, so it was then

30
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,780
it was the loss and the drive home for a half hour afterwards.

31
00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:19,340
All of it was just, it was awful.

32
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:23,620
But that said, it would be tick-tock.

33
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:27,380
My daughter having a meltdown over tick-tock going away.

34
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:31,460
Because, you know, for her it's like her best friend,

35
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:36,020
her best, what she grew up having been so close to for so long,

36
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:39,980
I swear to God, and this is in between the games last night.

37
00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:43,140
Every girl on the team was like,

38
00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:46,100
"Tick-tock doesn't work, I can't."

39
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:47,500
We, something like that, said.

40
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,180
Yeah, we pull in for like an,

41
00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:52,020
our 8.30, we're gonna get there at nine games at 9.30,

42
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:52,860
we gotta be there at 8.30.

43
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,180
So, we're pulling in for that and Charles said,

44
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,020
"Oh my God, oh my God, what's wrong?

45
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:57,380
What's wrong with some time with mom?

46
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:59,420
What's happening when we left? What's going on?"

47
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,420
She said, "No, they're shutting down tick-tock tonight.

48
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:02,540
It was supposed to be tomorrow."

49
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:06,500
I'm like, "Oh, oh, okay, well, sorry."

50
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,340
Oh my God, the devastation.

51
00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:10,900
The devastation from every girl on that team,

52
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:15,260
like, they're talking about it like it was their closest friend

53
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,140
since they, or their imaginary friend.

54
00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:19,820
I think of it like their imaginary friend died,

55
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,580
and that's what tick-tock, that's what happened

56
00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:23,020
with tick-tock last night.

57
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:26,100
Their imaginary friend that they've had since they were little died.

58
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,860
You've probably seen that meme where there's the dude standing

59
00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:32,660
in front of the grave, like, gravestone.

60
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,820
He's leaning over and he's kind of going like this

61
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:38,020
where he's got those little, do the selfie.

62
00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:40,900
Yeah, do the selfie in front of the gravestone.

63
00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:43,380
People have put all kinds of shit on the gravestone.

64
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,220
Yeah, yeah.

65
00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:48,300
And it was like, it was tick-tock was on the gravestone

66
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,580
and his little like this was like,

67
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:53,380
a guy who never got on tick-tock in the first place.

68
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:56,660
So I definitely like, that meme was like speaking to my heart.

69
00:02:56,660 --> 00:03:00,180
You can't be relatable as hard as much as you try as a parent.

70
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,500
You can't be relatable about this because you come across

71
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:05,860
looking like an asshole.

72
00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:08,700
So I'm like, hey, I know it sucks, I'm sorry.

73
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,420
There was once this thing that we had,

74
00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:13,060
secretly you were laughing.

75
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,020
And then from there, I'm like, it was called my space

76
00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:17,340
and it disappeared.

77
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,140
Yeah, we all had accounts.

78
00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:20,780
I miss my space.

79
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:23,940
It disappeared and it would never to be seen again.

80
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:26,500
And so I understand some, Dad, you don't get it.

81
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,820
I'm like, okay.

82
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,900
You're right.

83
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:33,700
We once had these things called newspapers

84
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:35,460
and there was a newspaper delivery boy.

85
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:40,060
But there's, I can't, you can't, you cannot relate to that.

86
00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:41,060
It is irre relatable.

87
00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:43,540
That's not a word, but I'm using it right now.

88
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:44,700
You can't relate to that.

89
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:45,940
So it was, it was now.

90
00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:48,100
It was now copyright, Bauer, 2035.

91
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:51,540
So that's one of those things that I just,

92
00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:56,540
I realized now from my years as a dad, just listen,

93
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:59,900
just listen to what she and her friends have to say.

94
00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:02,740
Just listen to how they're upset about it.

95
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:05,260
Listen as much as you want to make jokes,

96
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:07,420
as much as you have a sarcastic punch line

97
00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:09,500
to go with whatever they're saying.

98
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,980
Yeah, just listen.

99
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:13,500
And I just listened for the most part last night too.

100
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:17,500
And the prototype, people, this works, this works in marriages

101
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,140
and with your children.

102
00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:23,660
If upfront, you ask, do you want me to help

103
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:25,540
or do you want me to listen?

104
00:04:25,540 --> 00:04:26,380
Yes.

105
00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:28,020
If you ask that question upfront,

106
00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:30,620
then it sets your expectations as well as theirs.

107
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:34,620
Like, I just, well, I don't know, they have to figure out,

108
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:35,780
what do they need?

109
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:39,340
But then you just get to sit back and enjoy the ride.

110
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:41,380
Especially if it's listen, because then you're like,

111
00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:43,380
cool, I got, I got no skin in the game.

112
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:44,540
I'm just here to be an ear.

113
00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:45,380
That's it.

114
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:46,580
At no point do I have to try to come up

115
00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:47,900
with a resolution here?

116
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:49,860
And don't point, do I have to get my toolbox out

117
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,020
to try to fix something?

118
00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:54,900
This is just listen and just be there at the end of it.

119
00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:55,940
All that sucks.

120
00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,380
Oh, I'm sorry, that's hard.

121
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,380
That sucks.

122
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,380
That's all.

123
00:04:59,380 --> 00:04:59,900
Yeah.

124
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:00,900
No, go to the pain.

125
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,340
Again, don't bring up my space.

126
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:03,700
Just a little tip for us.

127
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:04,660
I'll hear what now.

128
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:05,660
(laughing)

129
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:07,860
If you have not yet had this conversation,

130
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:11,260
'cause today we're back and supposedly,

131
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:12,420
TikTok's back on today.

132
00:05:12,420 --> 00:05:13,700
I don't know how long that's gonna be.

133
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:16,380
I don't know what it's gonna end up looking like.

134
00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:17,900
I wouldn't know, I'm not on it.

135
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,020
So I have to hear these things second hand.

136
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,020
Yeah, I got the alert from my daughter earlier to,

137
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:24,380
it's back, it's back.

138
00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:25,540
All right.

139
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:28,180
Glad we went through all that emotion last night then.

140
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:30,940
Glad we had the moments of crying,

141
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:31,780
but I'm glad it's back.

142
00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:33,820
So we're all, we're good.

143
00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:35,900
We're good for right now, we're good.

144
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:40,900
Also for dads who realize it a little self-reflection

145
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,700
to how cool you may or may not be.

146
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,180
If you're looking for a little help in that world,

147
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:47,700
you've got some suggestions for you because,

148
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,820
there's a new list out chat.

149
00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:51,860
And I say this only because my wife and I,

150
00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:53,340
for the better part of the last year,

151
00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:56,740
have been holding on to the phrasing,

152
00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:59,060
the words that our daughters speak,

153
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:01,180
and then just throw it right back in their face,

154
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:04,900
sounding as uncool as we possibly can when we're saying it,

155
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:07,660
not using it at the right moments, purposefully,

156
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,620
100% first fully.

157
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:12,220
So they go, that's not what that means, dad.

158
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:13,060
Dad.

159
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,780
You'll figure this out when you're a parent,

160
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:17,300
you can play this game with your kids too.

161
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,140
- No, that is so bad.

162
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,300
- We know exactly what's going on,

163
00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:20,500
but we sound stupid.

164
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:21,500
It is. - And we love it.

165
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,580
- So much fun.

166
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:25,580
It is, it is, it's what keeps me going day to day.

167
00:06:25,580 --> 00:06:27,340
I mean, it is a blast.

168
00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:29,020
That the rizz that I bring,

169
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:30,220
never sorry, it was so like,

170
00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:31,980
(laughing)

171
00:06:31,980 --> 00:06:34,220
I mean, yeah.

172
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:37,020
So that's, Ed, there's a new list out of things

173
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:38,540
that we shouldn't be saying anymore.

174
00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:40,500
In other words, there, somewhere,

175
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,660
somebody came up with a collection of words

176
00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:45,060
that nobody should be using here in 2025.

177
00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:47,460
These are a list of words that technically are banned

178
00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:50,380
according to not only my daughter,

179
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:53,900
but the Lake Superior State University

180
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,860
who posted all this.

181
00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,780
- Wow. - I mean, see,

182
00:06:57,780 --> 00:07:00,740
they are the authority, obviously.

183
00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:02,540
- I mean, I knew that.

184
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,100
How does the world not know?

185
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,420
Lake Superior State University is--

186
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:07,980
- Look, the holder of the lists.

187
00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:09,860
- There will be for the keys.

188
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:11,860
- For all the parents who have tweens in teenagers,

189
00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:13,460
there will be a point in the next three months

190
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:15,580
where you're like, isn't that word done with already?

191
00:07:15,580 --> 00:07:17,980
And there's only one place to get that authority from.

192
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:21,980
And that is, LSSU, Lake Superior State University

193
00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:23,660
or the only place you can get that.

194
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,300
Anybody else, it's bullshit,

195
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:28,820
but Lake Superior State University, they've got the end.

196
00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:30,540
So, here's the people-- - Don't believe

197
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:33,140
Vogue or Men's Health or none of that shit.

198
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:35,260
- Lake Superior State University, go.

199
00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:36,580
- Yeah, fuck that Harvard?

200
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:38,820
No, Lake Superior State University,

201
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:40,980
which I think might actually be a community college.

202
00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:43,460
I'm not sure, but look here, even though it's got state in there.

203
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:44,300
Here's what I'm gonna do.

204
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,060
Get a piece of paper in front of you, Mr. Chad.

205
00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:48,860
For every one of these that you use,

206
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:51,620
you would say I use somewhat regularly,

207
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:52,940
not making fun of your kids,

208
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,980
'cause there's some that are in there for that,

209
00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:55,420
but there are other ones

210
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:57,460
that they're saying we shouldn't use any more period.

211
00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,500
And I know I use them with regularity, okay?

212
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:03,500
So, a little check mark on your paper

213
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:04,980
for one you use with regularity.

214
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,220
And we'll keep scoring. - I'm ready.

215
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,060
- All right, here we go.

216
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:09,420
So, again, Sue St. Marie, which is the Upper Peninsula

217
00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:12,380
of Michigan, New Year brings the promise of fresh beginnings.

218
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,860
It's also the perfect moment to reflect on the words

219
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:16,900
and phrases that may have worn out their welcome.

220
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:20,020
So, proudly revealing the 2025 edition

221
00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:22,500
of its banished words list.

222
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,460
It's a tradition that they backed in 1976.

223
00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:27,940
That's how much they've been the authority on this, Chad.

224
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:30,660
- Back then they looked around and said,

225
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,540
who's the authority on slaying and stuff?

226
00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:35,220
- Nobody. - I heard they're like,

227
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:36,740
let's jump on it. - We are.

228
00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:39,220
We are. - 50, 50 fucking years.

229
00:08:39,220 --> 00:08:41,500
- What have they been doing this? - 50 years.

230
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,700
Okay, here we go.

231
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,540
They say words matter, they want you to know that.

232
00:08:44,540 --> 00:08:47,580
The 2025 words and phrases selected for banishment

233
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,260
along with the reasons why they made the list.

234
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:51,340
Are you ready for the first one?

235
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:52,340
Here we go.

236
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:53,340
The first one.

237
00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:57,020
Cringe.

238
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,580
Cringe.

239
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,300
While cringe wants packed a punch, it is now overstayed.

240
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,060
It's welcome overuse, has dulled its impact

241
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:08,540
and ironically using it now may cause the very reaction.

242
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:10,940
It describes, okay.

243
00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:12,220
So cringy. - That's cringy out.

244
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:13,380
- That's so cringy.

245
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:14,220
- Okay.

246
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,580
- All right, guilty.

247
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:17,780
- I'll just check it.

248
00:09:17,780 --> 00:09:19,420
- Here we go.

249
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:20,420
Game changer.

250
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,900
Now I'm sad to see this one go,

251
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,660
because I've used this so many different times.

252
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:30,540
As a sports dad, as somebody who coaches and watches

253
00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:33,820
game changers approach, we use in a literal sense a lot.

254
00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:37,860
- Which is the question, like, I mean,

255
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:40,580
hey, have you checked on the game changer today?

256
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,700
Like, because there's an app that you can score

257
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:46,580
for softball called game changer.

258
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:49,260
So I say that fucking word all the fucking time.

259
00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:51,620
- Such a fucking dad thing to say to bring that up.

260
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,460
But you were right.

261
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:57,020
Because anyway, I mean, as a game changer,

262
00:09:57,020 --> 00:09:59,540
as Lake Superior State University points out,

263
00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:03,420
the phrase often used to describe anything remotely innovative

264
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:06,580
as as tired as the well-known cliche itself.

265
00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:08,700
Nothing is a game changer.

266
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,980
If everything is a game changer, right?

267
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:11,820
- That's right.

268
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,300
- So they say game changer's done that one.

269
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,140
I use all the points.

270
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,580
I got two points as well here.

271
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,060
Okay, here we go.

272
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,900
Leave this phrase behind.

273
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:23,940
Erra, as in your Taylor Swift era,

274
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,900
your whatever era it might be.

275
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:29,100
It's time to leave that era behind you.

276
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,540
The terms overuse is made every fleeting moment

277
00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:35,020
feel like it demands a historical marker.

278
00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:37,220
Thanks to the name of Taylor Swift's tour.

279
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:40,500
Now there's an era for everyone and everything.

280
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:44,140
So like he said, he's in his fatherhood era.

281
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:45,460
He's in his fatherhood era.

282
00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:47,620
She's in her pottery making era.

283
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:49,100
Oh, enough with the era.

284
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,980
So they're saying that's something that should be bashable.

285
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:54,980
I'm in my vodka era, which is last year me,

286
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:57,740
the better part of 30 years.

287
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,220
- All right.

288
00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:02,020
- How about this one?

289
00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:02,940
- Who's keeping score?

290
00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:03,780
- All right, go.

291
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:05,940
I'm everything so far to check me off the list.

292
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:07,940
- Yeah, I know, I've got three points.

293
00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:12,940
- I have not used the like that phrase outside of sarcasm

294
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:16,020
really very often, but I have used it.

295
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:17,900
So I'm putting myself down on that one.

296
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:18,740
Okay.

297
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:21,660
- Well, if I'm talking about like science with my kid,

298
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:25,780
and I say the paleolithic era, does that stop using it?

299
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,340
- No, you actually have to use that.

300
00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:30,460
The Renaissance era, those things you have to use

301
00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:31,420
the phrasing for.

302
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:33,260
So, the dark times,

303
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,300
I mean, look, we, those are acceptable.

304
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:38,340
But if you're talking about your pottery era,

305
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:39,500
fuck that, it's not working.

306
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,340
That doesn't work.

307
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:41,180
- No, all right.

308
00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:42,020
- Got it.

309
00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:44,340
- Now, when this episode is released next week,

310
00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:45,900
the episode of the Dad's Home podcast,

311
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,860
some people will say, "Oh, yo."

312
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,700
I'm not going to do the voice.

313
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:52,180
Yo, did you hear that new Dad's home episode

314
00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,660
that dropped last week?

315
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,940
They're saying dropped.

316
00:11:54,940 --> 00:11:55,740
- Needs to be dropped.

317
00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:56,860
- Dropped.

318
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:57,700
Dropped, dropped.

319
00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:58,540
- Dropped the drop.

320
00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:01,780
Books, music, all kinds of unnecessary things

321
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:04,180
are being dropped rather than introduced

322
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:06,060
or released or offered for sale.

323
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,220
Stop it with the drop, they're saying.

324
00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:12,260
Banished for overuse, misuse, abuse,

325
00:12:12,260 --> 00:12:15,700
and hurting my head with all that dropping stuff lands on me.

326
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:16,540
Okay.

327
00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:19,980
I wake, oh, I can't do this one.

328
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:21,220
IYK, YK?

329
00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:24,060
If you know, you know.

330
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:27,820
- Yeah, no, I've used that one for sure,

331
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:31,340
but I do believe it is time to hang those up.

332
00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:33,100
- Yeah, this one does.

333
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,100
- IYK, YK, how do you even say it?

334
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,300
Usually you're texting it or writing it

335
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,500
in some sort of posts.

336
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,940
Like, here's this esoteric picture

337
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:46,540
of this fast food restaurant in the town you grew up in.

338
00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:49,860
Just ordered myself a sluggy.

339
00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:52,340
And if you know, you know,

340
00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:55,100
it's a close-up shot of the burrito you're having for lunch.

341
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:58,180
If you know, you're not defying anything for me.

342
00:12:58,180 --> 00:12:59,340
You haven't defined anything.

343
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:02,380
You haven't, like, what did you hashtag the name of the Mexican restaurant

344
00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,860
so people could find, no, you didn't.

345
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:06,460
You just said, if you know, you know, we don't know anything more.

346
00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,620
You didn't help us with this at all.

347
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:09,580
- Yeah.

348
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,420
All right.

349
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:11,660
- Yeah, it's a geek thing too.

350
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,100
Like, geeks all the time.

351
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,580
They'll geek out on something and be like, you know,

352
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:18,180
Kobeashi Maru, if you know, you know.

353
00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:20,700
- What?

354
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,540
- I don't know.

355
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:22,700
You didn't click right?

356
00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:23,540
- Right.

357
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:24,540
- Exactly.

358
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:25,700
- Yeah, then I have to explain it to you.

359
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,380
So it doesn't even, it's, yeah, it's useless.

360
00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:28,220
All right.

361
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,060
- Right.

362
00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:30,260
- That on is all you managed to do.

363
00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:32,740
And you've just now kicked the can down the road a little bit.

364
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:33,580
All right.

365
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:34,580
A couple of others will get to work.

366
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:38,660
This one was big at one point early on and then died off

367
00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:41,700
and made its comeback, which is sorry, not sorry.

368
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:49,780
- So when, when Lake Superior State University first started doing this,

369
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:52,380
that was around and that was on their list originally.

370
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:55,300
They're like, okay, we're going to cut it off and, oh,

371
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:56,660
hey, here it comes back.

372
00:13:56,660 --> 00:13:57,500
- Oh, no.

373
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:58,820
- That may have started it.

374
00:13:58,820 --> 00:13:59,660
We don't know.

375
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:00,500
- They could have been.

376
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:01,340
- All right.

377
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,820
- If you know, if you know, you know.

378
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:03,660
Um.

379
00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:05,660
Ow.

380
00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:06,500
Ow, okay.

381
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,500
- Gibbity.

382
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,500
- Oh.

383
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:09,340
- Gibbity.

384
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:10,580
- As a skibbity toilet.

385
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:11,420
- Gibbity.

386
00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:12,420
- Gibbity?

387
00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:14,020
Nobody cares about skibbity toilet.

388
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,340
Skibbity Fizz or Skibbity Ohio font,

389
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:20,060
- Band them tax. At this point, nobody even knows what it means.

390
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:23,300
It just plain to noise people enough with the skibbity.

391
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,180
- That's so skibbity.

392
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:26,340
- 100%.

393
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:29,700
- 100% skibbity.

394
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,100
(laughs)

395
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,900
- They say is it possible to be over enthusiastic

396
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,900
about retiring the phrase 100%?

397
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:36,820
Absolutely.

398
00:14:36,820 --> 00:14:39,620
It's overuse has left no room for nuance or doubt.

399
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:40,740
It's just the extreme.

400
00:14:40,740 --> 00:14:42,540
100% and we all got to 10%.

401
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,380
- 10%?

402
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:44,460
- 110%.

403
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:45,300
- Yes.

404
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,140
- Yes.

405
00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:49,220
- We all go, they're like, hey, do you want me to get the milk

406
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,420
for you? 100%.

407
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:53,100
- Okay. Yes is fine.

408
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,340
I could get it for you, but 100%.

409
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:57,220
You got to go 100% on this for me.

410
00:14:57,220 --> 00:15:01,380
- Yeah, I got to be more clever than the person on TikTok

411
00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:05,220
that I couldn't watch for 24 hours and then is now back.

412
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:08,020
- 100%.

413
00:15:08,020 --> 00:15:08,860
How about this?

414
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:12,340
I don't get, okay, this, I'm not sure

415
00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:14,180
because I don't think I've heard this recently.

416
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,260
I don't know why it needs to be retired.

417
00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:18,020
They say it's a classic offender.

418
00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:23,020
It proves that utilize the word utilize proves

419
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:25,420
that longer is not always better.

420
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:28,780
Why complicate things when use works just as fine

421
00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:30,180
instead of utilize?

422
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:35,060
- That just sounds to me like some kids

423
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,700
who aren't paying attention in English

424
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:39,420
and don't understand how to use synonyms correctly.

425
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:40,260
- Correct.

426
00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:41,580
They've not figured out synonyms.

427
00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:44,100
They're not familiar at all with the Tsaris.

428
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:47,540
They haven't figured out portions of things out here.

429
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,180
- One of my favorite documents.

430
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:52,460
I mean, folks, if you know, you know.

431
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:53,500
- If you know, you know.

432
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,460
And this last one wrapping this up,

433
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:59,620
get rid of stop using, if you wanna seem cool,

434
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:01,860
stop using period.

435
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,340
Yes, we understand your point.

436
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:06,700
You don't need to verbally punctuate it.

437
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:11,300
Overuse has turned into a period we are ready to end.

438
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,060
Teresa recommends that we banish the worst of this word

439
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,260
by putting it in a bottle and sending it out to sea,

440
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:18,460
literally putting it into a bottle instead.

441
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:19,940
But if you know, you know.

442
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:23,580
So if you speak period, period needs to go away.

443
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:24,820
Stop saying period.

444
00:16:24,820 --> 00:16:26,180
A lot of people say full stop.

445
00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:27,900
I think that's the new period.

446
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,220
- That's hard stop.

447
00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:30,860
Hard stop is my role.

448
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:31,700
- Right.

449
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,700
I like hard-know a lot of times.

450
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,380
A hard pass, those are also good.

451
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:37,340
But in this case, the period full stop,

452
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:38,180
- Period.

453
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,580
- Who goes back to back, you should have your throat slashed.

454
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:41,420
You should.

455
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:42,260
- Okay.

456
00:16:42,260 --> 00:16:43,100
- Frankly.

457
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:43,940
- That's fair.

458
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:44,780
- Or your tires.

459
00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:45,620
- Yeah.

460
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:46,460
- Or your tires.

461
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,300
- Yeah.

462
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,140
- Because, you know, for you pass of a stop there.

463
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:52,940
- Why are you insisting upon telling us all of this

464
00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:53,780
in the sentence?

465
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,460
This is stuff that we don't even need to know.

466
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:57,940
We're not watching your words come out of your mouth hole.

467
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,540
We're not seeing it come out of your gob.

468
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,820
We know there's a period there.

469
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,380
Then we know there's a stop because that's what happens

470
00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:04,380
after a period.

471
00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:06,900
So you don't need to say period full stop.

472
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,220
- Have you texted with your children lately?

473
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:12,180
- Yeah, because capitalization and punctuation

474
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:15,380
are also two things that are not existent.

475
00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:19,860
And so, you know, with cursive writing, yes.

476
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:21,300
- That too, yeah.

477
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:22,140
- Yeah.

478
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:22,980
- Okay.

479
00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:24,500
- We're well, there you go.

480
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,660
Virtually everything on that list,

481
00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:31,340
I have probably used in the last two to three months easily.

482
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:32,500
- Easily.

483
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,380
- Yeah, that I was 10 for 10.

484
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:35,220
- Yeah, period.

485
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,780
- On that list, yeah.

486
00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:38,300
Full stop, if you know, you know.

487
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,580
You know, you know, you know.

488
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:40,420
All right.

489
00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:42,420
If you know, you skibbity.

490
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:43,420
Skibbity.

491
00:17:43,420 --> 00:17:46,740
You know, you know, that's all you need to know.

492
00:17:46,740 --> 00:17:48,220
All right, so look, when we come back here,

493
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:50,020
the dad's home podcast.

494
00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:51,860
I've got a couple of things we wanna discuss.

495
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:55,180
Number one, we've got the parenting tweet of the week.

496
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:57,420
The number one out of the three that we're gonna have to choose.

497
00:17:57,420 --> 00:18:00,220
We have to vote you and I will be breaking this down chat

498
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:02,980
and try to figure out who the number one tweet is

499
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:04,060
for the parenting week.

500
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,820
But also then, we are going to have to try

501
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:09,820
to figure out how much we know,

502
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:13,900
not just other dads, not just the kids of other dads

503
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,460
as our own kids as well.

504
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:16,620
But we're gonna have to,

505
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,140
how well do we know people, period?

506
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,900
And do we know them well enough to know

507
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:25,900
those sex questions that every person in this world,

508
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,580
maybe in Spanish, it could be in French,

509
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,100
but they've got the question,

510
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,500
everybody in this world has this question,

511
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,100
but they're too embarrassed to ask,

512
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,460
what's that question?

513
00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:38,020
We're gonna have to guess to see if we can get it right.

514
00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:39,460
I don't know what you think our odds are,

515
00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:41,620
but I'm not feeling particularly good about it

516
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,460
because if you know, you know.

517
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:44,460
(screaming)

518
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:45,460
- Skevity.

519
00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:47,620
- Skevity toilet, that's coming up next

520
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,300
here on the Dad's Home podcast.

521
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,880
(upbeat music)

522
00:18:51,880 --> 00:19:04,420
- There are tons of websites and services

523
00:19:04,420 --> 00:19:06,260
to help you in locating jobs,

524
00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:08,900
but who's there for you during the presentation?

525
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:11,940
Which organization can guarantee the full attention

526
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,900
of your potential employer?

527
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,220
Resume, resume, serve.

528
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,860
- That's home sub-stack

529
00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:21,140
that you'll be able to get some of the transcripts

530
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:23,580
of the show podcast offerings of that sort.

531
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,980
It's all on its way.

532
00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:26,260
So keep an eye, we'll let you know for sure

533
00:19:26,260 --> 00:19:27,780
when that's officially hit ground

534
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,460
and you're able to go and subscribe

535
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,300
and find out more about this podcast,

536
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,340
perhaps even a newsletter of the Dad's Home podcast

537
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,220
'cause we've got some other stuff that we're working on

538
00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:39,460
as well for podcasts coming up in the future for your

539
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:41,380
entertainment listening, because if you know,

540
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:44,860
you know, Skevity.

541
00:19:44,860 --> 00:19:51,180
- Oh man, the rest of the episode, here we go.

542
00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:53,900
- The rest of it, this is good as it gets right here.

543
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:54,740
This is it.

544
00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:56,620
- It's kinda cringey.

545
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:57,660
- It is, it really is.

546
00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:59,100
I just wanna quick question

547
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,140
and I think that this is something that I was,

548
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:05,100
it was brought to my attention by my 10 year old daughter.

549
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:07,340
One of the big discussions over the past week

550
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:08,620
and obviously this goes back

551
00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:10,540
when we were looking at football last week

552
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:14,700
and you had the Los Angeles Rams had to go to Arizona

553
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:18,460
to host their playoff game because Los Angeles is burning

554
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:21,300
and it's more than a song from Bad Religion

555
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,300
and it's the actual truth.

556
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,780
I mean, literally the city of Los Angeles is burning

557
00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:27,140
and my daughter, my 10 year old daughter,

558
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:28,940
they were talking about it a little bit in school

559
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,540
and discussing how this kind of thing happens

560
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:33,940
and what the firefighters must be going through

561
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:35,700
and the people who live there in their homes

562
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:38,580
and she came home to me and said that the teacher

563
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:42,340
had asked them all to talk about what their emergency

564
00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:45,900
evacuation plan at home was and I went,

565
00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:50,900
"Mmm, shit, I've got a 17 year old and a 10 year old

566
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:56,620
and I don't think I've ever had an emergency

567
00:20:56,620 --> 00:21:00,860
evacuation plan at the house for anything."

568
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,860
Like, I distinctly remember,

569
00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:05,060
I don't know about you, Chad, but growing up

570
00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:07,860
in the 70s and 80s for myself, my parents had that.

571
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,740
I lived in California, so we had earthquakes.

572
00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:13,540
We had, we obviously had seen some of the bigger earthquakes,

573
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,620
89 earthquake and that kind of stuff happened

574
00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:17,660
but between earthquakes and fire,

575
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,860
like where my, you know, the stop drop in roll shit

576
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,140
that we would hear in school

577
00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:23,060
or gonna do the desk for earthquakes

578
00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:24,940
but also at home you'd have to like,

579
00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:27,020
you had your doors closed, you have to kind of touch the door

580
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:28,540
to see if there's heat emitting from it,

581
00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:30,620
if there's a fire right outside the door.

582
00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:33,140
Here's the plan to go out of your bedroom window,

583
00:21:33,140 --> 00:21:34,260
here's where we're going to meet.

584
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,100
My parents had the whole thing.

585
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,180
I've got a 17 year old fucking daughter

586
00:21:39,180 --> 00:21:41,620
and we've never had one of these in my house.

587
00:21:41,620 --> 00:21:45,220
I've never had, I've lived in a ranch, one story,

588
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,380
ranch homes, I've lived in two story,

589
00:21:47,380 --> 00:21:49,980
I've lived in a fucking three story mansion

590
00:21:49,980 --> 00:21:52,740
and I've never had an evacuation plan

591
00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:56,460
or even discussed what happens in those situations

592
00:21:56,460 --> 00:21:59,940
with my kids and it just fucking hit me.

593
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:02,220
I've never had those discussions

594
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:04,660
and now I feel like a shitty dad

595
00:22:04,660 --> 00:22:06,780
for not having a plan or those discussions.

596
00:22:06,780 --> 00:22:10,580
So I wanted to ask you, am I alone here?

597
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:11,580
Am I the only one?

598
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,540
'Cause I mean, granted, there's a ton of other shit

599
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,340
that goes on in life, life happens.

600
00:22:15,340 --> 00:22:16,820
There's other things that are going on

601
00:22:16,820 --> 00:22:20,060
and with daughters who have anxiety,

602
00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:21,980
there's a lot of other things going on.

603
00:22:21,980 --> 00:22:23,820
Nine times out of 10, I'm thinking I don't necessarily

604
00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:25,700
wanna throw that into their head anyway.

605
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:27,740
Hey, I know you're feeling angry.

606
00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:28,780
- By the way, yeah.

607
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:32,260
- Let's talk about a fire in the house if you can't get to us

608
00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:35,300
and you have to jump out of your second story window.

609
00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:37,500
So what do you say?

610
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,940
- All of a sudden, the pipeline behind your house blows up.

611
00:22:40,940 --> 00:22:41,780
- Right.

612
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:44,820
Here's a couple tips from your dad.

613
00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:47,500
- No, I have not had that discussion either,

614
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,140
but I really wanted to say, yeah, totally dude,

615
00:22:50,140 --> 00:22:53,940
I have a plan, we'd like train twice a month.

616
00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:57,020
We go over this, the kids have to do training,

617
00:22:57,020 --> 00:22:58,340
like online, there's an online--

618
00:22:58,340 --> 00:22:59,180
- Not only.

619
00:22:59,180 --> 00:23:00,500
- You know, quiz they're gonna take.

620
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:03,260
- Not only twice a month, but oftentimes it changes

621
00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:04,860
from season to season, like here's what you do

622
00:23:04,860 --> 00:23:06,580
when it's cold out when it's icy on the ground.

623
00:23:06,580 --> 00:23:07,860
Here's what we're doing in the summertime

624
00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:08,780
when it's wicked hot.

625
00:23:08,780 --> 00:23:10,100
So like, yeah.

626
00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:14,620
- It just hit me, I don't have this plan.

627
00:23:14,620 --> 00:23:18,980
And I've never, as a parent, I've failed miserably

628
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:21,780
because I haven't sat down to even think about it.

629
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,380
Now, some people, when I was growing up,

630
00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:25,500
I had friends who lived in twos, again,

631
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,180
I lived in a one story ranch, which was fine for California,

632
00:23:28,180 --> 00:23:29,540
but I had friends that had two stories.

633
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:32,140
And they had like this ladder that would hook over

634
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:35,300
the edge of their window sill and it rolls down, right?

635
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:38,380
And you can make your way out of that second story window

636
00:23:38,380 --> 00:23:40,060
down to the ground and then--

637
00:23:40,060 --> 00:23:41,940
- You don't break your leg when you fall.

638
00:23:41,940 --> 00:23:42,940
- Right, yeah.

639
00:23:42,940 --> 00:23:45,780
- You're not just jumping straight out of your window

640
00:23:45,780 --> 00:23:47,380
down onto-- - At first.

641
00:23:47,380 --> 00:23:51,420
- Well, they've been seriously like at the same time,

642
00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:52,940
I've got a whole bunch of patio,

643
00:23:52,940 --> 00:23:54,980
right now we moved on everything inside for the winter,

644
00:23:54,980 --> 00:23:56,820
but there's like patio furniture there,

645
00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:59,340
my poor daughter's gonna snap a leg trying to get down

646
00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:01,220
to, if I don't have, and I don't have a cost,

647
00:24:01,220 --> 00:24:03,380
I don't have 25 bucks to get one of these ladders,

648
00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:04,940
I should fucking have one someplace,

649
00:24:04,940 --> 00:24:07,820
but it hasn't happened for me yet.

650
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:10,100
And with the fires in Los Angeles,

651
00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:13,420
it's made me think about what's my evacuation plan,

652
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:16,380
and more importantly, I should probably have one.

653
00:24:16,380 --> 00:24:19,060
- Yeah, on the list of things, like you mentioned,

654
00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:23,100
it is number 747 of the things that you have to think

655
00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:25,660
about or worry about on a daily basis.

656
00:24:25,660 --> 00:24:28,500
So we get it, we all get it.

657
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:33,980
But with all that said, you look at like what happened

658
00:24:33,980 --> 00:24:38,380
in California with the fires, you look at people in New Orleans

659
00:24:38,380 --> 00:24:40,580
who weren't expecting a fucking hurricane

660
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:43,660
to ruin their life for a week and kill half their neighbors.

661
00:24:43,660 --> 00:24:49,940
We just are, we're so, we feel so safe.

662
00:24:49,940 --> 00:24:50,780
- Yeah.

663
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:53,740
- But we're not, I mean, yeah, this shit can happen

664
00:24:53,740 --> 00:24:55,300
all at any time.

665
00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:58,460
And I am definitely like, I am very low

666
00:24:58,460 --> 00:25:00,180
on the spectrum of fear mongering

667
00:25:00,180 --> 00:25:02,980
when it comes to this or panic over nothing.

668
00:25:02,980 --> 00:25:05,540
I, but something can happen.

669
00:25:05,540 --> 00:25:08,460
- You're not in this close to installing a bomb shelter someplace

670
00:25:08,460 --> 00:25:09,300
so you and your family can't do that.

671
00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:10,140
- I am not.

672
00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:11,820
- You're all in the zombie apocalypse,

673
00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:15,100
but at the same time, I do feel like, look,

674
00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:16,740
there have been instances, right?

675
00:25:16,740 --> 00:25:19,300
Like when I was in Texas, we had a power outage

676
00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:22,140
because of the cold, you had a power grid shut down.

677
00:25:22,140 --> 00:25:23,980
I didn't know what the fuck to do.

678
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:24,820
I'm in Texas.

679
00:25:24,820 --> 00:25:25,640
- Mm-hmm.

680
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,180
- My first time there, there's no road salt that you can buy

681
00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:30,380
to get ice off of your driveway.

682
00:25:30,380 --> 00:25:32,500
They don't have it because they don't ever have to deal

683
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:33,700
with it in Texas.

684
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:35,900
They don't have people coming through and plowing

685
00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:38,980
and dropping salt on the roads because it's happening.

686
00:25:38,980 --> 00:25:39,820
- They do not.

687
00:25:39,820 --> 00:25:40,700
- It never happens.

688
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:43,340
So when a shitty event like that goes down

689
00:25:43,340 --> 00:25:46,420
and you're without power for, let's call it seven days,

690
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:47,540
what's the plan?

691
00:25:47,540 --> 00:25:49,660
Like you're just coping and dealing with it,

692
00:25:49,660 --> 00:25:51,940
but there's never been a plan to prepare

693
00:25:51,940 --> 00:25:53,660
for something like that.

694
00:25:53,660 --> 00:25:57,460
- Well, so part of the emergency plan is,

695
00:25:57,460 --> 00:26:00,420
what is the acute emergency, right?

696
00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:03,060
Like houses on fire, but then to your point,

697
00:26:03,060 --> 00:26:07,340
what is then the plan for unplanned emergencies,

698
00:26:07,340 --> 00:26:09,020
like power outage, right?

699
00:26:09,020 --> 00:26:11,580
There's two different levels of things.

700
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:17,740
And I'm sure national state, local governments spend

701
00:26:17,740 --> 00:26:20,300
millions of dollars on these safety plans

702
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:21,140
to figure these out.

703
00:26:21,140 --> 00:26:22,820
And what's all the things you have to think about?

704
00:26:22,820 --> 00:26:25,540
So it's, you know, in a government level,

705
00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:27,460
it's like, oh cool, terrorist attack.

706
00:26:27,460 --> 00:26:30,020
Like this list of like super shitty things,

707
00:26:30,020 --> 00:26:35,020
but yeah, it, I think all families should at least think

708
00:26:35,020 --> 00:26:38,020
about it when you see shit like what's happening in LA,

709
00:26:38,020 --> 00:26:41,660
which is, I mean, I used to live there and what's burned is,

710
00:26:41,660 --> 00:26:46,660
it's insane to think that it could be on fire.

711
00:26:46,660 --> 00:26:50,100
- They shut down key parts of Hollywood.

712
00:26:50,100 --> 00:26:51,500
I'm not talking the bills.

713
00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:52,500
I'm not talking Malibu.

714
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:53,900
I'm not talking about the surrounding.

715
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:57,100
Literally in Hollywood at the streets,

716
00:26:57,100 --> 00:27:00,340
you're familiar with sunset boulevard was shut down

717
00:27:00,340 --> 00:27:02,020
because shit was on fire there.

718
00:27:02,020 --> 00:27:03,820
So it needed that.

719
00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:05,300
- Yeah, it's, yeah.

720
00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:08,020
- I don't have this and I think we should.

721
00:27:08,020 --> 00:27:10,460
And I think that there's maybe for my generation

722
00:27:10,460 --> 00:27:12,820
who grew up and I will say is comforted by the fact

723
00:27:12,820 --> 00:27:15,180
that my parents had a plan when I was growing up.

724
00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:16,140
I knew that.

725
00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:18,100
We knew what we were gonna meet in case anything happened.

726
00:27:18,100 --> 00:27:21,700
It never happened, but it was there because we had the plan.

727
00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:23,260
So I knew what I had to do.

728
00:27:23,260 --> 00:27:25,100
There was a sign on the back of my bedroom door

729
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:27,420
that I later covered over with a Heather Thomas poster,

730
00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:30,420
but it was there that is what I was supposed to touch

731
00:27:30,420 --> 00:27:31,980
and not though you don't want to touch the door handle,

732
00:27:31,980 --> 00:27:33,740
'cause that could, if it's a fire right there,

733
00:27:33,740 --> 00:27:34,740
you could burn your hands.

734
00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:36,380
You wanna touch the door, you wanna get close to it first

735
00:27:36,380 --> 00:27:37,500
before you actually touch it.

736
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:38,820
I can clearly remember all that.

737
00:27:38,820 --> 00:27:40,900
My kids don't even fucking, if I told them that,

738
00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:43,300
they would have had no idea what I was talking about.

739
00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:44,580
So you're right.

740
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:46,300
Here's what I'm, well, that was,

741
00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:47,140
my plan is this.

742
00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:49,980
I think it's now is a good time,

743
00:27:49,980 --> 00:27:52,020
when my 10 year old asked me what our plan was,

744
00:27:52,020 --> 00:27:53,900
like I was just expecting me to roll with it.

745
00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:55,500
You just go, oh yeah, here's here's what just,

746
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:56,700
and by the way, the booklets over here,

747
00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:59,780
if you wanna look at any of the pictures that I've drawn out,

748
00:27:59,780 --> 00:28:02,380
none of that, zero, Zim.

749
00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:04,380
So I feel-- - The safety binder.

750
00:28:04,380 --> 00:28:05,940
- Yeah, the safety, but just refer to it,

751
00:28:05,940 --> 00:28:07,180
whatever you want, it's sitting in there next

752
00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:08,580
to the Betty Crocker cookbook.

753
00:28:08,580 --> 00:28:10,220
Just feel free to flip through it anytime you want.

754
00:28:10,220 --> 00:28:11,500
We've got full pictures and images.

755
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:14,260
I put videos online of what to do,

756
00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:18,020
but I feel like this is something that we should probably,

757
00:28:18,020 --> 00:28:19,220
because we haven't.

758
00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:22,060
And again, you and I both have kids that are in their teens,

759
00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:24,540
late teens, about to graduate and go to college.

760
00:28:24,540 --> 00:28:27,100
They'll have a fucking plan at the dorms

761
00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:28,660
or wherever they're going to school,

762
00:28:28,660 --> 00:28:30,980
but we don't have a plan at the house.

763
00:28:30,980 --> 00:28:35,500
I think it's time that we ramp this up,

764
00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:37,140
but I'm gonna bring on somebody.

765
00:28:37,140 --> 00:28:40,540
- Billy, Billy, why are you in therapy today?

766
00:28:40,540 --> 00:28:42,740
Well, my parents didn't have a safety plan,

767
00:28:42,740 --> 00:28:43,980
those motherfuckers.

768
00:28:43,980 --> 00:28:48,740
I just feel like-- - I mean, I watch shit.

769
00:28:48,740 --> 00:28:49,580
I don't.

770
00:28:49,580 --> 00:28:52,340
Our kids are gonna be in therapy because of this now,

771
00:28:52,340 --> 00:28:53,700
because we fucked up.

772
00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:56,780
- 'Cause my kid's gonna go back on Tuesday,

773
00:28:56,780 --> 00:28:58,900
and every kid, this is how I imagine it,

774
00:28:58,900 --> 00:29:00,260
every kid's got a plan,

775
00:29:00,260 --> 00:29:02,940
every kid's got a fucking ladder that flips over there

776
00:29:02,940 --> 00:29:04,580
and rolls all the way down to the bottom.

777
00:29:04,580 --> 00:29:07,180
And they've got a meeting point over Mr. Jones back yard,

778
00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:08,300
so they can be away from the house

779
00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:09,980
in case the house is fully engulfed.

780
00:29:09,980 --> 00:29:11,940
And I don't have that.

781
00:29:11,940 --> 00:29:13,340
So I feel like--

782
00:29:13,340 --> 00:29:15,540
- He's gonna get beat up on the playground, dude.

783
00:29:15,540 --> 00:29:16,860
My kids, they're gonna be like,

784
00:29:16,860 --> 00:29:19,620
"You don't have a safety plan, come here."

785
00:29:19,620 --> 00:29:20,620
That's what it's gonna happen.

786
00:29:20,620 --> 00:29:22,180
That's gonna happen, it's only like--

787
00:29:22,180 --> 00:29:24,140
- Chicken's only for not having a safety plan.

788
00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:25,380
- Yeah, fuck.

789
00:29:25,380 --> 00:29:26,900
- So I've gotta stop this.

790
00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:28,260
I can't let that happen.

791
00:29:28,260 --> 00:29:29,100
- You can't.

792
00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:30,060
- So I thank you, appreciate that.

793
00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,220
So I have to do that.

794
00:29:31,220 --> 00:29:34,940
- My plan now is I'm gonna bring on,

795
00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:38,260
like a firefighter safety person who can tell us

796
00:29:38,260 --> 00:29:41,100
the things that need to go into our safety plan

797
00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:42,420
so that we can create it.

798
00:29:42,420 --> 00:29:43,780
Like I'm joking about a binder,

799
00:29:43,780 --> 00:29:45,380
but is that something we need to have?

800
00:29:45,380 --> 00:29:50,060
Like what's a modernized version these days

801
00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:53,300
of what that looks like and how do we go about?

802
00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:55,100
'Cause I know, look, the first thing they're gonna tell me

803
00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:58,140
is when your clocks jump ahead or fall back,

804
00:29:58,140 --> 00:30:00,860
that's when we change the batteries and your fire alarm,

805
00:30:00,860 --> 00:30:01,700
that kind of stuff,

806
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:05,700
oh, you have the carbon monoxide alarms as well, blah, blah, blah,

807
00:30:05,700 --> 00:30:06,540
and I get all that.

808
00:30:06,540 --> 00:30:08,580
I've got some of those, that's not a problem.

809
00:30:08,580 --> 00:30:13,260
But what's the real emergency that we need to make sure

810
00:30:13,260 --> 00:30:14,660
we're addressing in these types of situations?

811
00:30:14,660 --> 00:30:17,860
Our fucking schools, our kids, God love them

812
00:30:17,860 --> 00:30:21,300
and I pray for their safety is every single day.

813
00:30:21,300 --> 00:30:22,860
They have plans that they go through

814
00:30:22,860 --> 00:30:24,780
and rehearse for active shooters

815
00:30:24,780 --> 00:30:28,540
and I don't have a fucking fire escape plan for my kids.

816
00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:31,860
So. - They got plans on plans on plans on Wal-Francés

817
00:30:31,860 --> 00:30:34,740
with that. - You know, you know.

818
00:30:34,740 --> 00:30:35,740
We're gonna need to know.

819
00:30:35,740 --> 00:30:37,940
I'm bringing somebody on that's going to know

820
00:30:37,940 --> 00:30:39,340
and is going to tell us what we need to have

821
00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:41,100
in our plan for an upcoming edition here

822
00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:42,100
of the Dad's Home Podcast.

823
00:30:42,100 --> 00:30:43,420
'Cause if you and I haven't done it,

824
00:30:43,420 --> 00:30:44,900
I'm guessing there's a lot of other people

825
00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:46,740
that it's been on their list

826
00:30:46,740 --> 00:30:48,260
and they either forgot about it

827
00:30:48,260 --> 00:30:49,940
or haven't had a chance to get to it

828
00:30:49,940 --> 00:30:51,420
and they're gonna need to get to it.

829
00:30:51,420 --> 00:30:55,300
- And folks, we try to get Fire Marshall Bill to come on.

830
00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:56,500
He's not available.

831
00:30:56,500 --> 00:30:57,340
(laughing)

832
00:30:57,340 --> 00:30:59,500
- And if you know, you know, you know, you know,

833
00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:01,500
if you know, you know.

834
00:31:01,500 --> 00:31:04,660
All right, before we get to the tweets of the week,

835
00:31:04,660 --> 00:31:07,700
I wanna test our knowledge here.

836
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:10,220
And by knowledge, I mean, absolutely no knowledge.

837
00:31:10,220 --> 00:31:11,820
I wanna see if you and I can come up

838
00:31:11,820 --> 00:31:13,820
with half of these questions.

839
00:31:13,820 --> 00:31:17,020
If I can really rub our six brain cells

840
00:31:17,020 --> 00:31:18,780
that we share between each other.

841
00:31:18,780 --> 00:31:20,020
- It's gonna be a problem together.

842
00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:21,820
- Come up with something, yeah.

843
00:31:21,820 --> 00:31:22,660
- Let's go.

844
00:31:22,660 --> 00:31:24,940
- 'Cause in addition to the list of the things that are banned,

845
00:31:24,940 --> 00:31:29,460
there's also a comprehensive list from Buzzfeed.

846
00:31:29,460 --> 00:31:32,540
Again, of course, when you're looking for sex questions,

847
00:31:32,540 --> 00:31:34,780
Buzzfeed has experts say,

848
00:31:34,780 --> 00:31:39,620
"These are these seven sex questions, everyone has,

849
00:31:39,620 --> 00:31:41,300
but is too embarrassed to ask."

850
00:31:41,820 --> 00:31:43,700
Now, let me give you the subheading

851
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:45,780
just so you know what you're getting into.

852
00:31:45,780 --> 00:31:47,620
(clears throat)

853
00:31:47,620 --> 00:31:50,860
From vibrators to penis size, to squirting.

854
00:31:50,860 --> 00:31:54,220
These are the topics sex educators say people secretly

855
00:31:54,220 --> 00:31:57,340
want to know more about.

856
00:31:57,340 --> 00:31:59,260
All right, so that kind of opens the door for us a little bit.

857
00:31:59,260 --> 00:32:00,460
We have an idea now.

858
00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:01,300
I'm not squaring.

859
00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:02,460
- Let's see, let's talk.

860
00:32:02,460 --> 00:32:04,620
- I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,

861
00:32:04,620 --> 00:32:06,740
how can't do we need to get in these questions?

862
00:32:06,740 --> 00:32:07,980
- You kind of have an idea of,

863
00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:09,780
I think that's the rate of us there giving us.

864
00:32:09,780 --> 00:32:11,100
I feel like that's kind of,

865
00:32:11,100 --> 00:32:15,140
within the, within the vibrator to squirting genre,

866
00:32:15,140 --> 00:32:16,580
someplace they're in,

867
00:32:16,580 --> 00:32:18,420
because what we're looking for,

868
00:32:18,420 --> 00:32:21,100
so like, I'm gonna hop over to Reddit for a second.

869
00:32:21,100 --> 00:32:23,540
- I'm gonna jump on this real quick and say that

870
00:32:23,540 --> 00:32:25,260
I'm guessing one of the questions,

871
00:32:25,260 --> 00:32:26,620
because if you threw squirting in there,

872
00:32:26,620 --> 00:32:28,700
there's no way there's not a squirting question.

873
00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:30,420
So, I'm gonna say,

874
00:32:30,420 --> 00:32:31,300
(laughs)

875
00:32:31,300 --> 00:32:32,300
I'm in.

876
00:32:32,300 --> 00:32:36,020
- I'm gonna say that I feel like the question

877
00:32:36,020 --> 00:32:38,340
that's going to be there is,

878
00:32:39,220 --> 00:32:41,660
like what is, what's happening to my body?

879
00:32:41,660 --> 00:32:42,860
These poor young ladies,

880
00:32:42,860 --> 00:32:44,780
what is happening to their body?

881
00:32:44,780 --> 00:32:48,700
When they get so turned on and they're at that point,

882
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:52,100
and then boom, it's a gush, it's a,

883
00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:55,300
it's a, it's a, you've got like,

884
00:32:55,300 --> 00:32:56,500
your yellow stone,

885
00:32:56,500 --> 00:32:57,740
all of a sudden you've got to just,

886
00:32:57,740 --> 00:32:59,500
you've got a gusher going on.

887
00:32:59,500 --> 00:33:00,460
And maybe,

888
00:33:00,460 --> 00:33:01,300
- Old faithful.

889
00:33:01,300 --> 00:33:03,820
- Maybe old faithful hasn't played into anything

890
00:33:03,820 --> 00:33:05,620
you've been doing throughout your life to this point,

891
00:33:05,620 --> 00:33:07,340
but this time, holy shit,

892
00:33:07,340 --> 00:33:10,420
they just wanna know what it is that's happening to them.

893
00:33:10,420 --> 00:33:11,420
Like is it,

894
00:33:11,420 --> 00:33:12,260
- What the heck?

895
00:33:12,260 --> 00:33:13,260
- Yeah, that's how you're gonna write it.

896
00:33:13,260 --> 00:33:14,300
- Is that natural?

897
00:33:14,300 --> 00:33:16,620
Is that, I mean, obviously you can go online,

898
00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:17,620
you can see that there's,

899
00:33:17,620 --> 00:33:19,420
at least from the videos I've seen,

900
00:33:19,420 --> 00:33:21,300
and the subscription I currently hold,

901
00:33:21,300 --> 00:33:23,100
there's a lot of those videos out there.

902
00:33:23,100 --> 00:33:25,220
So, it's not that you're the only one,

903
00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:27,860
but I think it's more about what is it that's happening to them.

904
00:33:27,860 --> 00:33:29,460
That's, I think the question for squirting is,

905
00:33:29,460 --> 00:33:30,300
is gonna be,

906
00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:31,140
what do you think?

907
00:33:31,140 --> 00:33:32,140
- I, you know,

908
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:35,580
so the little bit that I have been told

909
00:33:35,580 --> 00:33:37,660
by academics about squirting.

910
00:33:37,660 --> 00:33:40,060
(laughing)

911
00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:42,060
- What I attended this time,

912
00:33:42,060 --> 00:33:43,740
- What I attended was squirting.

913
00:33:43,740 --> 00:33:46,380
- It was, it was, it was, it was,

914
00:33:46,380 --> 00:33:48,660
it was a conference in Helsinki, but,

915
00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:49,500
- Sure.

916
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:51,020
- That's where, I believe that's where most,

917
00:33:51,020 --> 00:33:52,180
- That's where I was.

918
00:33:52,180 --> 00:33:53,500
- Yeah, that's right.

919
00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,700
I think it's gonna be,

920
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:59,220
is squirting something different than pee.

921
00:33:59,220 --> 00:34:00,060
That's gonna be where I am.

922
00:34:00,060 --> 00:34:00,900
- Okay, all right.

923
00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:01,900
- If we're talking about squirting,

924
00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:03,900
that is the age old,

925
00:34:03,900 --> 00:34:04,740
- It is.

926
00:34:04,740 --> 00:34:07,860
- What is in the academic circles about squirting, right?

927
00:34:07,860 --> 00:34:09,060
- Okay. - What is it?

928
00:34:09,060 --> 00:34:09,900
- Okay.

929
00:34:09,900 --> 00:34:11,580
- What is coming out of my body?

930
00:34:11,580 --> 00:34:13,980
Is it, did I just, did my bladder, you know,

931
00:34:13,980 --> 00:34:15,100
fail me?

932
00:34:15,100 --> 00:34:16,260
- Right, house is, what is it?

933
00:34:16,260 --> 00:34:17,260
- Is it something else?

934
00:34:17,260 --> 00:34:18,860
- Should I be concerned?

935
00:34:18,860 --> 00:34:20,420
- Let's see. - Yeah.

936
00:34:20,420 --> 00:34:21,460
- Question number one,

937
00:34:21,460 --> 00:34:25,220
sex experts reveal seven common questions

938
00:34:25,220 --> 00:34:26,500
in their answers number one.

939
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:27,860
What comes out when I squirt?

940
00:34:27,860 --> 00:34:28,700
Is it just pee?

941
00:34:28,700 --> 00:34:29,940
Hey, where'd a goat chat?

942
00:34:29,940 --> 00:34:30,980
Very good.

943
00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:32,700
Congratulations.

944
00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:34,020
(groaning)

945
00:34:34,020 --> 00:34:35,740
People have a lot of questions about squirting.

946
00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:36,580
That's understandable.

947
00:34:36,580 --> 00:34:38,620
Scientists are perplexed by it.

948
00:34:38,620 --> 00:34:39,460
That's not good.

949
00:34:39,460 --> 00:34:40,340
You don't want that to happen.

950
00:34:40,340 --> 00:34:44,020
They're saying it's known as female ejaculation,

951
00:34:44,020 --> 00:34:46,500
although it can happen to anyone with a vagina.

952
00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:47,340
That's good to know too.

953
00:34:47,340 --> 00:34:49,660
I think that's important that everybody notice that.

954
00:34:49,660 --> 00:34:52,180
The studies have been done

955
00:34:52,180 --> 00:34:54,700
on really, really small samples.

956
00:34:54,700 --> 00:34:56,140
Not the videos I've seen.

957
00:34:56,140 --> 00:34:57,780
I gotta be honest with you, Mr. Jack.

958
00:34:57,780 --> 00:35:00,260
(laughing)

959
00:35:00,260 --> 00:35:02,340
- In the academic circles in Helsinki,

960
00:35:02,340 --> 00:35:03,580
that is not what we saw either.

961
00:35:03,580 --> 00:35:06,060
- Well, and apparently a clinical assistant professor

962
00:35:06,060 --> 00:35:08,380
at Texas A&M University also says--

963
00:35:08,380 --> 00:35:09,220
- Wow.

964
00:35:09,220 --> 00:35:10,740
- And they know what they're talking about.

965
00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:12,540
- Boy, they just don't know what.

966
00:35:12,540 --> 00:35:15,060
Both female and both female ejaculate

967
00:35:15,060 --> 00:35:16,620
and squirting come from the urethra.

968
00:35:16,620 --> 00:35:18,980
Squirting tends to be quite a bit of fluid at one time

969
00:35:18,980 --> 00:35:22,220
and chemically, it's pretty similar to water down urine,

970
00:35:22,220 --> 00:35:24,580
but it tends to be less fluid and thicker.

971
00:35:24,580 --> 00:35:25,420
So it is not urine.

972
00:35:25,420 --> 00:35:26,260
There you go.

973
00:35:26,260 --> 00:35:27,100
There's the answer to that.

974
00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:29,860
Another question.

975
00:35:29,860 --> 00:35:30,980
I'm gonna let you give me another question

976
00:35:30,980 --> 00:35:34,580
that you think is one that everybody has,

977
00:35:34,580 --> 00:35:36,420
but is embarrassed to ask.

978
00:35:36,420 --> 00:35:38,740
- Do I masturbate too much?

979
00:35:38,740 --> 00:35:40,660
- How much is too much masturbation?

980
00:35:40,660 --> 00:35:42,180
- Something along the aligns

981
00:35:42,180 --> 00:35:44,180
of frequency of masturbation.

982
00:35:44,180 --> 00:35:46,180
- First of all, I just, I will say this,

983
00:35:46,180 --> 00:35:49,380
as just a dad to other dads,

984
00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:51,580
and any boys that are listening.

985
00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:54,900
- Too much masturbation, it's like too much pizza.

986
00:35:54,900 --> 00:35:59,100
I mean, you can't have too much.

987
00:35:59,100 --> 00:35:59,940
- I don't really.

988
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:00,780
- You can't have too much.

989
00:36:00,780 --> 00:36:01,620
- In fact.

990
00:36:01,620 --> 00:36:02,980
- But it's not what you do though.

991
00:36:02,980 --> 00:36:05,580
You're like, oh, so full.

992
00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:06,580
- Right.

993
00:36:06,580 --> 00:36:07,420
But you know what?

994
00:36:07,420 --> 00:36:09,180
- It takes a lot of pizza to get there.

995
00:36:09,180 --> 00:36:10,820
- Look, there's a refractory period.

996
00:36:10,820 --> 00:36:13,100
And then, and then you're ready for pizza?

997
00:36:13,100 --> 00:36:13,940
- You're back at it.

998
00:36:13,940 --> 00:36:14,780
- You're like, hey, I want some more pizza.

999
00:36:14,780 --> 00:36:15,620
That's right.

1000
00:36:15,620 --> 00:36:16,700
- Maybe a nap for a minute.

1001
00:36:16,700 --> 00:36:18,100
Maybe you play a little Xbox,

1002
00:36:18,100 --> 00:36:19,900
but when you're done, you come right back.

1003
00:36:19,900 --> 00:36:21,700
You're like, yeah, I could go for more pizza.

1004
00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:24,540
I could totally go for more pizza right now.

1005
00:36:24,540 --> 00:36:25,540
It's the same kind of thing.

1006
00:36:25,540 --> 00:36:27,660
I think that's how I like to.

1007
00:36:27,660 --> 00:36:29,820
- From now on though,

1008
00:36:29,820 --> 00:36:32,900
every time I'm talking about masturbation, pizza.

1009
00:36:32,900 --> 00:36:34,620
- I'm just gonna switch it out.

1010
00:36:34,620 --> 00:36:37,500
- Hey, hey, I'm gonna go upstairs and have some pizza.

1011
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:38,340
- Not a problem.

1012
00:36:38,340 --> 00:36:39,540
- Guys, once I'm, look, I'm just gonna say,

1013
00:36:39,540 --> 00:36:41,380
not a problem until you're masturbating

1014
00:36:41,380 --> 00:36:42,340
to the thought of pizza.

1015
00:36:42,340 --> 00:36:44,540
That's, that's, or even the visual of pizza.

1016
00:36:44,540 --> 00:36:47,060
- Then, then, then, that'll become the issue.

1017
00:36:47,060 --> 00:36:47,900
- Okay.

1018
00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:52,140
- There's, here's what professionals say.

1019
00:36:52,140 --> 00:36:54,020
Professionals.

1020
00:36:54,020 --> 00:36:56,740
This is sex educator Francisco Ramirez.

1021
00:36:56,740 --> 00:36:57,660
What he says,

1022
00:36:58,700 --> 00:37:01,020
A, there's nothing wrong with masturbating

1023
00:37:01,020 --> 00:37:02,460
multiple times a day.

1024
00:37:02,460 --> 00:37:04,580
There you go.

1025
00:37:04,580 --> 00:37:06,460
Healthy.

1026
00:37:06,460 --> 00:37:09,220
- Now, they're saying, if, if, and here's the,

1027
00:37:09,220 --> 00:37:10,900
here's the other side of that.

1028
00:37:10,900 --> 00:37:14,380
If your habits have begun to interfere

1029
00:37:14,380 --> 00:37:16,500
with your day-to-day life, like your relationships,

1030
00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,020
or if you're missing work,

1031
00:37:18,020 --> 00:37:21,780
which by the way, why?

1032
00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:24,980
You can, you can do it at work if you needed to.

1033
00:37:24,980 --> 00:37:27,140
I'm not saying you, you don't need to take the day off

1034
00:37:27,140 --> 00:37:28,660
or even a half day.

1035
00:37:28,660 --> 00:37:29,500
- Right, right.

1036
00:37:29,500 --> 00:37:31,020
- To do this.

1037
00:37:31,020 --> 00:37:32,180
You can, you can,

1038
00:37:32,180 --> 00:37:33,500
- You can be a quest.

1039
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,100
You can work quest.

1040
00:37:35,100 --> 00:37:36,100
- Look, let's all be honest.

1041
00:37:36,100 --> 00:37:37,660
You can whip it out yourself.

1042
00:37:37,660 --> 00:37:39,980
You can whip it out in a good solid 90 seconds.

1043
00:37:39,980 --> 00:37:41,580
You can be done in 90 seconds.

1044
00:37:41,580 --> 00:37:42,420
Start to finish.

1045
00:37:42,420 --> 00:37:43,660
- Oh, yeah.

1046
00:37:43,660 --> 00:37:44,900
- You don't need to take the day off.

1047
00:37:44,900 --> 00:38:00,180
- I'm not going to work.

1048
00:38:00,180 --> 00:38:03,180
- I think if you accomplish that at work,

1049
00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:04,540
you've got to do that.

1050
00:38:04,540 --> 00:38:05,500
- You've got to do that.

1051
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:06,500
- You've got to throw down.

1052
00:38:06,500 --> 00:38:07,500
That's a challenge.

1053
00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:08,500
- That's a solid day.

1054
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:09,500
- That's a challenge.

1055
00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:10,500
- That is a solid day.

1056
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:11,500
- All right, it's a productive day.

1057
00:38:11,500 --> 00:38:13,500
- It's definitely a productive day.

1058
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:14,900
- People's got a vibrator.

1059
00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:18,060
They think, oh, well, they don't need me anymore.

1060
00:38:18,060 --> 00:38:20,660
She's got that thing anytime she wants,

1061
00:38:20,660 --> 00:38:24,860
and it does way more than I can do because it moves.

1062
00:38:24,860 --> 00:38:28,340
It's got a vibration factor to it that I can't possibly,

1063
00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:29,340
unless I'm epileptic.

1064
00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:32,260
I can't match that.

1065
00:38:32,260 --> 00:38:35,060
So I'm going to guess that there's,

1066
00:38:35,060 --> 00:38:37,060
and maybe this is, I don't know if it's the guy asking the question,

1067
00:38:37,060 --> 00:38:41,180
but I feel like that's a guy thing to be concerned with,

1068
00:38:41,180 --> 00:38:43,980
am I going to be able to match up with the vibrator?

1069
00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:46,500
What do you think?

1070
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:48,340
There's a vibrator question out there

1071
00:38:48,340 --> 00:38:50,500
because they mentioned it in the subheading

1072
00:38:50,500 --> 00:38:52,300
that there was a vibrator question.

1073
00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:58,100
- I'm thinking there's that.

1074
00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:00,100
- I mean, yeah, it's a bit,

1075
00:39:00,100 --> 00:39:05,540
doesn't like the vibrator also just fall under

1076
00:39:05,540 --> 00:39:08,900
that masturbation category, like how much is too much?

1077
00:39:09,980 --> 00:39:11,700
Like is that maybe where they're going with this?

1078
00:39:11,700 --> 00:39:16,700
Like should I squelch my vibrator use?

1079
00:39:16,700 --> 00:39:17,980
- Is there a squelch setting?

1080
00:39:17,980 --> 00:39:18,980
- How much is too much?

1081
00:39:18,980 --> 00:39:19,820
- I don't know.

1082
00:39:19,820 --> 00:39:23,180
Not the ones in Helsinki.

1083
00:39:23,180 --> 00:39:25,180
(laughs)

1084
00:39:25,180 --> 00:39:28,100
- Here's the question.

1085
00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:28,940
- Oh, this is interesting.

1086
00:39:28,940 --> 00:39:31,100
- Okay, it comes from the ladies.

1087
00:39:31,100 --> 00:39:32,100
- Oh.

1088
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:34,940
- Will my vibrator desensitize me?

1089
00:39:34,940 --> 00:39:36,940
- No! - Okay, so.

1090
00:39:36,940 --> 00:39:38,460
- Someone happened, come on.

1091
00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:39,740
I can't happen.

1092
00:39:39,740 --> 00:39:41,260
- What are the scientists stay though?

1093
00:39:41,260 --> 00:39:42,100
Really, that's what the question is.

1094
00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:43,140
- Yeah, okay, oh, the good news.

1095
00:39:43,140 --> 00:39:44,300
This is the good news, hold on.

1096
00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:46,780
- Jose or whatever's name was the scientist?

1097
00:39:46,780 --> 00:39:49,300
- This is sex educator Ava Bloom.

1098
00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:50,780
- Ava Bloom says.

1099
00:39:50,780 --> 00:39:53,300
- It says this is a common masturbation question

1100
00:39:53,300 --> 00:39:55,220
that she gets from people with vaginas.

1101
00:39:55,220 --> 00:39:57,260
I would hope so.

1102
00:39:57,260 --> 00:39:59,860
But look, I'm not limiting it to that perhaps.

1103
00:39:59,860 --> 00:40:02,020
There are dudes who are curious and a little drunk

1104
00:40:02,020 --> 00:40:05,700
that have tried to use vibrators themselves here.

1105
00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:08,060
The good news, the answer to this, Mr. Chad?

1106
00:40:08,060 --> 00:40:08,900
- No.

1107
00:40:09,820 --> 00:40:11,540
- It is not desensitizing.

1108
00:40:11,540 --> 00:40:14,300
Any, any literal numbness you might feel

1109
00:40:14,300 --> 00:40:17,700
after a session with your vibrator is temporary.

1110
00:40:17,700 --> 00:40:19,420
So, of course it is.

1111
00:40:19,420 --> 00:40:21,140
- Let the vibrator-- - I would.

1112
00:40:21,140 --> 00:40:21,980
Yeah.

1113
00:40:21,980 --> 00:40:23,940
- Absolutely.

1114
00:40:23,940 --> 00:40:26,180
- If we just helped so far in this segment,

1115
00:40:26,180 --> 00:40:28,940
if we helped to win, if we helped one woman,

1116
00:40:28,940 --> 00:40:31,420
who was using her vibrator and then squirted,

1117
00:40:31,420 --> 00:40:33,980
I feel like we've accomplished everything here today.

1118
00:40:33,980 --> 00:40:36,460
- I think, I think we have, we can hang 'em up.

1119
00:40:36,460 --> 00:40:37,460
We can roll and hang 'em up.

1120
00:40:37,460 --> 00:40:39,980
Oh, and let me ask you this, penis size.

1121
00:40:39,980 --> 00:40:42,580
Because that's gotta be the last question.

1122
00:40:42,580 --> 00:40:44,020
We've know that they mentioned that

1123
00:40:44,020 --> 00:40:45,700
in the subheading here for these questions.

1124
00:40:45,700 --> 00:40:47,340
And I think we've done a fairly good job

1125
00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:49,780
of nailing these questions if you'd pardon the pun.

1126
00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:51,260
What's the penis size question?

1127
00:40:51,260 --> 00:40:53,100
It's gotta just be, is my penis,

1128
00:40:53,100 --> 00:40:55,140
okay, can't be, is my penis big enough?

1129
00:40:55,140 --> 00:40:56,900
'Cause that's subjective to, you know,

1130
00:40:56,900 --> 00:40:59,820
the however many hundreds of people misbloom interviewed.

1131
00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:03,820
It's gotta be, can there be pills

1132
00:41:03,820 --> 00:41:07,020
that make my shlong longer?

1133
00:41:07,020 --> 00:41:08,620
That's gotta be the question, right?

1134
00:41:08,620 --> 00:41:10,700
Is there a legitimate way?

1135
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:12,740
'Cause every guy wants to know if they can do that.

1136
00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:14,980
There's very few guys that are like Tommy Lee,

1137
00:41:14,980 --> 00:41:17,020
like can I have it surgically reduced?

1138
00:41:17,020 --> 00:41:18,200
No, you can't.

1139
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,620
Sorry, Tommy. - Turns out.

1140
00:41:20,620 --> 00:41:21,460
- No.

1141
00:41:21,460 --> 00:41:23,100
- Sorry, Pam. - You have to live with that.

1142
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:25,780
- Yeah, sorry, you're stuck with a large dick,

1143
00:41:25,780 --> 00:41:27,140
my apologies.

1144
00:41:27,140 --> 00:41:28,340
But I think that's probably the question

1145
00:41:28,340 --> 00:41:29,380
that the guys are gonna ask, right?

1146
00:41:29,380 --> 00:41:31,420
Is there anything out there?

1147
00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:34,620
- It's size related, absolutely.

1148
00:41:34,620 --> 00:41:35,460
'Cause it's like,

1149
00:41:35,460 --> 00:41:37,220
it's like a penis side.

1150
00:41:37,220 --> 00:41:39,180
But it, but like,

1151
00:41:39,180 --> 00:41:42,180
I mean, it's never gonna be am I too big?

1152
00:41:42,180 --> 00:41:44,220
It's always am I too small?

1153
00:41:44,220 --> 00:41:45,860
- Hey, is the question like,

1154
00:41:45,860 --> 00:41:49,340
Dr. Hernandez or Bloom or whichever one's answering

1155
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:50,940
my questions here on the Zoom meeting,

1156
00:41:50,940 --> 00:41:53,420
if you're not too busy squirting,

1157
00:41:53,420 --> 00:41:55,420
the question I have is,

1158
00:41:55,420 --> 00:41:57,860
if she says, good God, that's not fitting in me,

1159
00:41:57,860 --> 00:41:58,860
should I just leave?

1160
00:41:58,860 --> 00:42:00,660
- Yeah.

1161
00:42:00,660 --> 00:42:01,500
- Who's that that question?

1162
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:04,300
- If she says, I mean, is it in yet?

1163
00:42:04,300 --> 00:42:05,140
- Is that the question?

1164
00:42:05,140 --> 00:42:06,300
- Is it in yet?

1165
00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:07,460
- Right here.

1166
00:42:07,460 --> 00:42:08,300
- Right.

1167
00:42:08,300 --> 00:42:12,060
- This is a song from the Bloodhound gang

1168
00:42:12,060 --> 00:42:13,740
that I used to love when they talk about how,

1169
00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:16,580
my shit don't hit the bottom, but it knocks the sides up.

1170
00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:17,820
Like that's the best part.

1171
00:42:17,820 --> 00:42:21,220
But I feel like it's not,

1172
00:42:21,220 --> 00:42:22,900
the every, no guy cares about,

1173
00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:25,380
there's not one guy I've ever heard that's like,

1174
00:42:25,380 --> 00:42:27,820
my dick is so wide.

1175
00:42:27,820 --> 00:42:29,540
Like that's never been a question.

1176
00:42:29,540 --> 00:42:32,220
Nobody's ever, it's always the concern is how long

1177
00:42:32,220 --> 00:42:33,060
can you get this?

1178
00:42:33,060 --> 00:42:35,420
I would think of the question as gotta be aimed at,

1179
00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:37,620
is there, can I, we were watching, we introduced,

1180
00:42:37,620 --> 00:42:38,620
- Make it bigger.

1181
00:42:38,620 --> 00:42:41,140
- We introduced, make the logo bigger.

1182
00:42:41,140 --> 00:42:41,980
- Thank you.

1183
00:42:41,980 --> 00:42:45,420
We introduced my 17 year old daughter to Austin Powers,

1184
00:42:45,420 --> 00:42:46,900
the Austin Powers movie the other day.

1185
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:50,140
And where he's got the Swedish penis pump

1186
00:42:50,140 --> 00:42:52,220
that just is the running choke throughout the entire,

1187
00:42:52,220 --> 00:42:53,060
- Make it bigger.

1188
00:42:53,060 --> 00:42:53,900
- Sure.

1189
00:42:53,900 --> 00:42:55,020
- So I'm wondering, I think that's where

1190
00:42:55,020 --> 00:42:56,260
this question is gonna come into play.

1191
00:42:56,260 --> 00:42:59,780
Is there something that I can do to make my dick big?

1192
00:42:59,780 --> 00:43:01,060
'Cause they've got the pills and what's,

1193
00:43:01,060 --> 00:43:03,060
let's see, let's see what they say here.

1194
00:43:03,060 --> 00:43:03,900
- Pena's pump.

1195
00:43:03,900 --> 00:43:07,660
- All right, here we go.

1196
00:43:07,660 --> 00:43:09,980
Pretty much what we thought,

1197
00:43:09,980 --> 00:43:12,220
how can I make my penis bigger?

1198
00:43:12,220 --> 00:43:15,740
- Lots of money.

1199
00:43:15,740 --> 00:43:17,780
(laughs)

1200
00:43:17,780 --> 00:43:19,660
- What's according to the experts?

1201
00:43:19,660 --> 00:43:22,060
- In a someone to tell you it's bigger.

1202
00:43:22,060 --> 00:43:23,660
- In a porn, dumb, sorry world.

1203
00:43:23,660 --> 00:43:25,980
Which by the way, a lot of wide angle lenses,

1204
00:43:25,980 --> 00:43:28,780
a lot of camera photography going on there.

1205
00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:33,220
A lot of smaller women making their way into porn.

1206
00:43:33,220 --> 00:43:37,780
Not quite to the dwarf size,

1207
00:43:37,780 --> 00:43:39,300
but not to the little person size,

1208
00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:41,940
but there's some smaller girls there

1209
00:43:41,940 --> 00:43:43,740
that make things look a little bigger as well.

1210
00:43:43,740 --> 00:43:46,540
In a porn dominated world that has made exceptionally

1211
00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,820
large penises seem like the norm is no wonder,

1212
00:43:48,820 --> 00:43:51,780
men are searching for ways to increase their size.

1213
00:43:51,780 --> 00:43:55,220
But none of the countless products from pills to creams

1214
00:43:55,220 --> 00:43:57,820
to pumps that claim to enlarge penis

1215
00:43:57,820 --> 00:44:00,740
can actually make it bigger.

1216
00:44:00,740 --> 00:44:03,580
So there you go.

1217
00:44:03,580 --> 00:44:08,580
And they say suggestion here is don't do it.

1218
00:44:08,580 --> 00:44:11,180
There's not a shred of scientific evidence

1219
00:44:11,180 --> 00:44:12,780
to show any of those things are effective

1220
00:44:12,780 --> 00:44:14,660
and you could do more damage.

1221
00:44:14,660 --> 00:44:18,500
Anxiety they say about penis length, penis size is common,

1222
00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:21,860
but this doctor says they wish more men would realize

1223
00:44:21,860 --> 00:44:26,540
the average length, average length and thickness

1224
00:44:26,540 --> 00:44:28,540
is not as big as you think it is.

1225
00:44:28,540 --> 00:44:31,580
As of a study 2015, that's the last time we did this study,

1226
00:44:31,580 --> 00:44:34,100
was 2010 years ago, are you fucking kidding me?

1227
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:36,380
- No, no. - There has to be a new data,

1228
00:44:36,380 --> 00:44:37,300
new data.

1229
00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:39,660
Somebody will look at up for us and set it to us.

1230
00:44:39,660 --> 00:44:40,620
One of our interns.

1231
00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:42,780
- They interviewed 15,000 men.

1232
00:44:42,780 --> 00:44:43,620
- About their dick size.

1233
00:44:43,620 --> 00:44:46,380
Oh, what a great interview I'm sure that was.

1234
00:44:46,380 --> 00:44:48,180
- 15,000 men. - That big.

1235
00:44:48,180 --> 00:44:53,180
- That found that the average erect penis is just over.

1236
00:44:55,700 --> 00:44:58,220
(dramatic music)

1237
00:44:58,220 --> 00:44:59,580
This is gonna be good news for me.

1238
00:44:59,580 --> 00:45:05,860
Five inches, just over five inches

1239
00:45:05,860 --> 00:45:08,300
for the average of those 15,000 men.

1240
00:45:08,300 --> 00:45:11,140
So no matter what the first five videos

1241
00:45:11,140 --> 00:45:13,980
on porn hub are showing you,

1242
00:45:13,980 --> 00:45:17,180
the average of your thousand men.

1243
00:45:17,180 --> 00:45:21,100
Five, five.

1244
00:45:23,100 --> 00:45:25,900
Okay, hold on, just so we're all clear, just over five.

1245
00:45:25,900 --> 00:45:27,300
- I'm huge, then, I'm huge.

1246
00:45:27,300 --> 00:45:28,540
- It's just over?

1247
00:45:28,540 --> 00:45:34,780
- I feel like I feel like average.

1248
00:45:34,780 --> 00:45:35,700
- Just good, right?

1249
00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:39,060
- The penis size though is a state of mind.

1250
00:45:39,060 --> 00:45:40,580
If you walk around thinking,

1251
00:45:40,580 --> 00:45:43,300
you're the big swinging dick as they say,

1252
00:45:43,300 --> 00:45:44,900
then you are, it is.

1253
00:45:44,900 --> 00:45:46,940
I mean, who's gonna argue with you?

1254
00:45:46,940 --> 00:45:49,740
- I'm gonna go back to the list there.

1255
00:45:50,820 --> 00:45:52,220
Huge swinging dick has been banned.

1256
00:45:52,220 --> 00:45:54,460
It was banned in 1984.

1257
00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:55,620
- Damn it!

1258
00:45:55,620 --> 00:45:56,700
- It was so damn it.

1259
00:45:56,700 --> 00:45:57,700
- I hate to bring that news to you.

1260
00:45:57,700 --> 00:45:59,340
- I'm just throwing that one around.

1261
00:45:59,340 --> 00:46:00,660
I hate to bring that thing to you.

1262
00:46:00,660 --> 00:46:01,660
- Who's the big swing dicker?

1263
00:46:01,660 --> 00:46:03,420
- It was banned in 1984.

1264
00:46:03,420 --> 00:46:05,660
So right around the summer Olympics in Mary Lou Retten,

1265
00:46:05,660 --> 00:46:08,180
there was no more big swinging dick going on.

1266
00:46:08,180 --> 00:46:10,060
At least as far as we can tell,

1267
00:46:10,060 --> 00:46:11,900
from the studies.

1268
00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:13,380
- It was on the outs.

1269
00:46:13,380 --> 00:46:15,380
- It was on the outs at that point in time.

1270
00:46:15,380 --> 00:46:17,180
All right, when we come back, we are going to,

1271
00:46:17,180 --> 00:46:20,140
I think we did a fairly good job with those questions.

1272
00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:20,980
I don't feel too bad about it.

1273
00:46:20,980 --> 00:46:22,140
- Yeah, we, yeah.

1274
00:46:22,140 --> 00:46:26,220
- And I know, you and I just embarrassed the shit out of our

1275
00:46:26,220 --> 00:46:28,180
daughter's talking about all that.

1276
00:46:28,180 --> 00:46:29,020
- I hope so.

1277
00:46:29,020 --> 00:46:30,900
And our wives, I mean, shit.

1278
00:46:30,900 --> 00:46:36,380
My goal is to embarrass as many people as possible.

1279
00:46:36,380 --> 00:46:37,500
- What we live for.

1280
00:46:37,500 --> 00:46:39,100
When you become a dad, you'll learn.

1281
00:46:39,100 --> 00:46:42,140
- That's what you live for, my friends.

1282
00:46:42,140 --> 00:46:43,140
All right, when we come back,

1283
00:46:43,140 --> 00:46:46,500
- And if you can get the wife in there with your kids,

1284
00:46:46,500 --> 00:46:49,500
that embarrassment, that's extra points.

1285
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:52,700
- We should have had our wives in discussing these questions

1286
00:46:52,700 --> 00:46:55,860
with us and just really throwing our kids over the edge.

1287
00:46:55,860 --> 00:46:58,420
- Just really, my cat had my life,

1288
00:46:58,420 --> 00:46:59,260
what's that?

1289
00:46:59,260 --> 00:47:00,260
- We're going to have my wife.

1290
00:47:00,260 --> 00:47:01,740
- Yeah, we're going to have your average.

1291
00:47:01,740 --> 00:47:03,700
I told you your average size, that's perfect.

1292
00:47:03,700 --> 00:47:05,220
Like, just fucking,

1293
00:47:05,220 --> 00:47:08,100
watch your kids face,

1294
00:47:08,100 --> 00:47:11,140
and then we'll just ride off of the Indiana Jones.

1295
00:47:11,140 --> 00:47:11,980
All right.

1296
00:47:11,980 --> 00:47:13,780
- We might have to re-record this episode

1297
00:47:13,780 --> 00:47:16,340
just without using right there.

1298
00:47:16,340 --> 00:47:17,180
- You know what?

1299
00:47:17,180 --> 00:47:19,100
Hold on, can I, when we get the fire man on to ask

1300
00:47:19,100 --> 00:47:20,100
about the escape route?

1301
00:47:20,100 --> 00:47:22,660
Can I ask him about the things like that?

1302
00:47:22,660 --> 00:47:24,900
- You can ask him about his house.

1303
00:47:24,900 --> 00:47:27,460
- Yeah, and his, yeah, that would be fantastic.

1304
00:47:27,460 --> 00:47:28,500
I'm sure he would love that.

1305
00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:29,820
Hey, we might ask you a dick question

1306
00:47:29,820 --> 00:47:30,660
if you come on with us.

1307
00:47:30,660 --> 00:47:31,500
Cool.

1308
00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:33,340
(laughing)

1309
00:47:33,340 --> 00:47:34,500
When we come back. - You come with that?

1310
00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:35,820
- We're going to have the,

1311
00:47:35,820 --> 00:47:37,940
the tweet of the week from the parenting realm,

1312
00:47:37,940 --> 00:47:40,300
plus to go to exact polar opposite,

1313
00:47:40,300 --> 00:47:42,740
we're going to have three of the shittiest parents

1314
00:47:42,740 --> 00:47:44,460
that have ever walked the face of this earth.

1315
00:47:44,460 --> 00:47:47,460
And we know so because the news has told us

1316
00:47:47,460 --> 00:47:48,700
the story about them.

1317
00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:51,620
That's all coming up next year, the Dead's Home Podcast.

1318
00:47:51,620 --> 00:47:54,200
(upbeat music)

1319
00:47:54,200 --> 00:48:06,420
- So this is a clearly, clearly,

1320
00:48:06,420 --> 00:48:10,260
not Metrosexual moment, moment in history.

1321
00:48:10,260 --> 00:48:11,780
- Death row romantics.

1322
00:48:11,780 --> 00:48:14,420
Death row inmates who just because they're scheduled to die

1323
00:48:14,420 --> 00:48:16,380
haven't given up on chasing the babes.

1324
00:48:16,380 --> 00:48:18,180
The Associated Press reported that

1325
00:48:18,180 --> 00:48:20,500
at least 30 Texas death row inmates

1326
00:48:20,500 --> 00:48:22,980
have their own files on internet dating sites.

1327
00:48:22,980 --> 00:48:25,140
These hardcore men thought to themselves,

1328
00:48:25,140 --> 00:48:27,180
who cares if I killed a couple of old ladies?

1329
00:48:27,180 --> 00:48:28,860
I've still got love into give,

1330
00:48:28,860 --> 00:48:30,940
at least for three more months.

1331
00:48:30,940 --> 00:48:32,940
These guys know the right woman is out there

1332
00:48:32,940 --> 00:48:35,640
who can see past their faults, such as snoring,

1333
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:36,900
biting their fingernails

1334
00:48:36,900 --> 00:48:39,180
and a tendency to run over friends with their car.

1335
00:48:39,180 --> 00:48:40,540
Is any man flawless?

1336
00:48:40,540 --> 00:48:41,380
Hell no.

1337
00:48:41,380 --> 00:48:42,940
Real men embrace their flaws

1338
00:48:42,940 --> 00:48:45,380
rather than tanning or getting gannelsurgery

1339
00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:47,580
or plastic surgery or hair treatments.

1340
00:48:47,580 --> 00:48:49,300
Who cares if I only have one year?

1341
00:48:49,300 --> 00:48:51,980
Let's discuss this further back in my place.

1342
00:48:51,980 --> 00:48:54,420
According to the report, one convicted killer said

1343
00:48:54,420 --> 00:48:55,940
on his dating page quote,

1344
00:48:55,940 --> 00:48:57,580
"I can be a big kid at heart,

1345
00:48:57,580 --> 00:48:59,020
and I'm a hopeless romantics."

1346
00:48:59,020 --> 00:49:00,420
We salute this true man

1347
00:49:00,420 --> 00:49:02,980
because trying to get a little action while you're behind bars

1348
00:49:02,980 --> 00:49:05,020
with two weeks left to live and attack too

1349
00:49:05,020 --> 00:49:06,980
of a bloody skull on your forehead

1350
00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:09,700
is the definition of hopeless romantics.

1351
00:49:09,700 --> 00:49:11,060
This has been Lee Camp.

1352
00:49:11,060 --> 00:49:13,860
For more funny crap, check out LeeCamp.net

1353
00:49:13,860 --> 00:49:15,300
and sharkbaby.com.

1354
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:16,980
(upbeat music)

1355
00:49:16,980 --> 00:49:19,980
A horribly awkward first sexual encounter was

1356
00:49:19,980 --> 00:49:22,820
worth the wait for a pair of Christian newlyweds.

1357
00:49:22,820 --> 00:49:24,300
It's the onion radio news.

1358
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:26,620
This is Doyle Redland reporting.

1359
00:49:26,620 --> 00:49:29,420
John and Linda McQ, who were married last Sunday

1360
00:49:29,420 --> 00:49:31,780
before a friend's family and their lord,

1361
00:49:31,780 --> 00:49:34,020
said the incredibly awkward wedding night

1362
00:49:34,020 --> 00:49:36,220
consummation of their love was quote,

1363
00:49:36,220 --> 00:49:37,740
"Well, worth the wait."

1364
00:49:37,740 --> 00:49:39,540
Wife Linda had this to say.

1365
00:49:39,540 --> 00:49:43,260
"It was adorable beyond my wildest dreams toward the end.

1366
00:49:43,260 --> 00:49:45,540
I was almost relaxed enough to enjoy myself."

1367
00:49:45,540 --> 00:49:48,740
According to John, the encounter which just a few days ago

1368
00:49:48,740 --> 00:49:50,540
would have been an unforgivable sin

1369
00:49:50,540 --> 00:49:53,100
in the eyes of God was somewhat pleasurable

1370
00:49:53,100 --> 00:49:56,140
in an embarrassing and shameful sort of way.

1371
00:49:56,140 --> 00:49:58,780
Doyle Redland for the onion radio news online

1372
00:49:58,780 --> 00:50:00,700
at theunion.com.

1373
00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:04,500
Back to the dad's home podcast, but first, more dad jokes.

1374
00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:06,700
You know, a lot of people could serve it if people say

1375
00:50:06,700 --> 00:50:08,580
that gay people getting married,

1376
00:50:08,580 --> 00:50:10,700
it would violate the sanctity of marriage.

1377
00:50:10,700 --> 00:50:12,140
The sanctity of marriage.

1378
00:50:12,140 --> 00:50:13,260
Is anybody here married?

1379
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:15,420
Yeah.

1380
00:50:15,420 --> 00:50:19,340
Does it feel like a gift from God to you?

1381
00:50:19,340 --> 00:50:20,420
(audience laughing)

1382
00:50:20,420 --> 00:50:22,260
Sanctity?

1383
00:50:22,260 --> 00:50:23,540
The sanctity of marriage.

1384
00:50:23,540 --> 00:50:25,380
First of all, what would Jesus do?

1385
00:50:25,380 --> 00:50:26,420
Not get married.

1386
00:50:26,420 --> 00:50:28,180
All right, that's the first thing.

1387
00:50:28,180 --> 00:50:29,420
That's lesson number one.

1388
00:50:29,420 --> 00:50:33,500
Because Jesus could have never accomplished

1389
00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:36,060
the things he had to accomplish if he had been married.

1390
00:50:36,060 --> 00:50:37,300
Let's face it.

1391
00:50:37,300 --> 00:50:39,060
How long are you gonna be up there?

1392
00:50:39,060 --> 00:50:39,900
You know what I mean?

1393
00:50:39,900 --> 00:50:42,900
(audience laughing)

1394
00:50:44,980 --> 00:50:47,860
Not only do I think gay people should be allowed to get married,

1395
00:50:47,860 --> 00:50:49,620
I think they should have to get married,

1396
00:50:49,620 --> 00:50:51,100
'cause I'm a little tired of their happy,

1397
00:50:51,100 --> 00:50:52,580
go lucky lifestyle.

1398
00:50:52,580 --> 00:50:53,820
(audience laughing)

1399
00:50:53,820 --> 00:50:57,140
They should have to suffer just like everybody else.

1400
00:50:57,140 --> 00:50:59,180
I'm tired of walking by these sidewalk cafes.

1401
00:50:59,180 --> 00:51:01,340
You see these dudes sitting there all tan and fit,

1402
00:51:01,340 --> 00:51:02,940
you know, some of these guys are 60 years old.

1403
00:51:02,940 --> 00:51:03,940
They still look great,

1404
00:51:03,940 --> 00:51:04,940
'cause they don't have someone at home

1405
00:51:04,940 --> 00:51:06,860
sucking the will to live right out of them.

1406
00:51:06,860 --> 00:51:09,860
(audience laughing)

1407
00:51:09,860 --> 00:51:11,740
(upbeat music)

1408
00:51:11,740 --> 00:51:14,260
We've all respect our wives, of course.

1409
00:51:14,260 --> 00:51:15,540
(upbeat music)

1410
00:51:15,540 --> 00:51:16,860
Great, great, Jorral though.

1411
00:51:16,860 --> 00:51:18,420
Here on the dad's home podcast.

1412
00:51:18,420 --> 00:51:20,260
All right, Mr. Chatter,

1413
00:51:20,260 --> 00:51:22,700
you ready to make a decision on the best parenting

1414
00:51:22,700 --> 00:51:23,980
tweet of the week?

1415
00:51:23,980 --> 00:51:25,780
I'm ready to make the decision on the best friend.

1416
00:51:25,780 --> 00:51:27,460
But first we gotta see the three

1417
00:51:27,460 --> 00:51:29,180
that are up for nomination here.

1418
00:51:29,180 --> 00:51:30,380
So without further ado.

1419
00:51:30,380 --> 00:51:32,180
We're all, let's get through.

1420
00:51:32,180 --> 00:51:33,780
Let's get through this and get to number one.

1421
00:51:33,780 --> 00:51:35,340
Tweet number one.

1422
00:51:35,340 --> 00:51:37,020
Above 'em.

1423
00:51:37,020 --> 00:51:39,580
Four-year-old is requesting that I have more children,

1424
00:51:39,580 --> 00:51:40,940
five more children would be specific

1425
00:51:40,940 --> 00:51:42,220
so she can fight them.

1426
00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:45,980
Or they wanna create their own UFC?

1427
00:51:45,980 --> 00:51:46,820
What's wrong with that?

1428
00:51:46,820 --> 00:51:49,620
- Man, all in the family.

1429
00:51:49,620 --> 00:51:52,660
- My wife, tomorrow behind the scenes here on the shooting,

1430
00:51:52,660 --> 00:51:54,820
the video and the podcast here,

1431
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:56,420
tomorrow is Martin Luther King Day.

1432
00:51:56,420 --> 00:51:59,260
And my wife said, tomorrow while Martin Luther King

1433
00:51:59,260 --> 00:52:02,340
was dreaming of peace, our girls are gonna kill each other

1434
00:52:02,340 --> 00:52:03,340
'cause they're off from school.

1435
00:52:03,340 --> 00:52:04,340
So.

1436
00:52:04,340 --> 00:52:05,380
(laughing)

1437
00:52:05,380 --> 00:52:06,980
Sounds about right?

1438
00:52:06,980 --> 00:52:08,620
Seems like, I mean, try and sketch it.

1439
00:52:08,620 --> 00:52:09,460
- Math.

1440
00:52:09,460 --> 00:52:10,620
- The math checks out.

1441
00:52:10,620 --> 00:52:12,300
- Yeah, fits in there with the calendar.

1442
00:52:12,300 --> 00:52:13,780
All right, Tweet number two.

1443
00:52:13,780 --> 00:52:16,460
Cleaning your kids room will piss you off

1444
00:52:16,460 --> 00:52:18,420
'cause why is my air fryer in here?

1445
00:52:18,420 --> 00:52:20,460
(laughing)

1446
00:52:20,460 --> 00:52:25,100
You found in there your air fryer's in your kids room.

1447
00:52:25,100 --> 00:52:27,820
- And there, I have been there.

1448
00:52:27,820 --> 00:52:29,500
- Yeah, yeah.

1449
00:52:29,500 --> 00:52:32,660
You'll find the strangest shit there,

1450
00:52:32,660 --> 00:52:36,220
the stuff that they, you know, your air fryer,

1451
00:52:36,220 --> 00:52:38,940
your vape pin, it's the weirdest things.

1452
00:52:38,940 --> 00:52:41,620
- Fine, your kids room.

1453
00:52:41,620 --> 00:52:45,020
- Yeah, my set of Alan wrenches.

1454
00:52:45,020 --> 00:52:45,860
- Is that right?

1455
00:52:45,860 --> 00:52:46,700
Your Alan wrenches?

1456
00:52:46,700 --> 00:52:47,860
- You shit.

1457
00:52:47,860 --> 00:52:49,020
And my kids room.

1458
00:52:49,020 --> 00:52:50,500
- That is fantastic.

1459
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,340
Oh, that is good time.

1460
00:52:51,340 --> 00:52:54,020
- At some point I was like, where the fuck did those go?

1461
00:52:54,020 --> 00:52:55,340
How did I lose those?

1462
00:52:55,340 --> 00:52:57,900
- And frankly, I came down like a week after I needed a mo.

1463
00:52:57,900 --> 00:52:58,900
Yeah, you got it.

1464
00:52:58,900 --> 00:53:00,220
- And frankly, the fact that you have them,

1465
00:53:00,220 --> 00:53:02,340
now go around and tighten all the chairs up in the house.

1466
00:53:02,340 --> 00:53:03,380
Let's get everything rolling here.

1467
00:53:03,380 --> 00:53:04,220
We'll be fantastic.

1468
00:53:04,220 --> 00:53:05,060
- That's fantastic.

1469
00:53:05,060 --> 00:53:05,900
- You got it.

1470
00:53:05,900 --> 00:53:06,900
- If you're, now I'm ready to roll.

1471
00:53:06,900 --> 00:53:08,060
- You're captain Alan wrench now.

1472
00:53:08,060 --> 00:53:09,940
You should be tightening up everything around the house.

1473
00:53:09,940 --> 00:53:10,780
Get out of kid.

1474
00:53:11,660 --> 00:53:13,220
- It's Admiral Alan wrench.

1475
00:53:13,220 --> 00:53:14,220
Come on, let's do real.

1476
00:53:14,220 --> 00:53:15,980
- I'm sorry, you're right.

1477
00:53:15,980 --> 00:53:16,940
When you have the Alan wrenches,

1478
00:53:16,940 --> 00:53:18,100
you deserve more credit.

1479
00:53:18,100 --> 00:53:18,940
Here we go.

1480
00:53:18,940 --> 00:53:19,780
Number three.

1481
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:21,700
My husband went out with friends last night,

1482
00:53:21,700 --> 00:53:23,460
so I introduced the kids to Ace Ventura

1483
00:53:23,460 --> 00:53:26,180
and now they keep addressing him from their butts

1484
00:53:26,180 --> 00:53:28,860
and he'll think twice about leaving me alone with them.

1485
00:53:28,860 --> 00:53:32,820
- All right, so we just,

1486
00:53:32,820 --> 00:53:35,540
hey, switch, switch husband with wife.

1487
00:53:35,540 --> 00:53:39,620
And that is my best Saturday afternoon evening.

1488
00:53:39,620 --> 00:53:40,460
Right?

1489
00:53:40,460 --> 00:53:41,300
So what do we got?

1490
00:53:41,300 --> 00:53:42,820
We got tweet number one.

1491
00:53:42,820 --> 00:53:44,740
Four year old requesting I have more children

1492
00:53:44,740 --> 00:53:46,340
so they can fight tweet number two,

1493
00:53:46,340 --> 00:53:48,020
cleaning the room, finding the air fryer,

1494
00:53:48,020 --> 00:53:51,140
or tweet number three, Ace Ventura kids talking out of there,

1495
00:53:51,140 --> 00:53:55,140
but which one do you say is the best parenting tweet of the week?

1496
00:53:55,140 --> 00:53:56,940
- I got to go with number three.

1497
00:53:56,940 --> 00:53:59,820
The one out with friends and I introduced my kids

1498
00:53:59,820 --> 00:54:01,060
to Ace Ventura.

1499
00:54:01,060 --> 00:54:02,060
- I think that's it.

1500
00:54:02,060 --> 00:54:03,340
- Anstown winner.

1501
00:54:03,340 --> 00:54:04,820
- I like the fighting one.

1502
00:54:04,820 --> 00:54:05,660
I do.

1503
00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:06,500
I think that's a good one.

1504
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:08,180
And I think that's a good center for--

1505
00:54:08,180 --> 00:54:09,020
- All three.

1506
00:54:09,020 --> 00:54:12,660
- But in talking last week as we did about how we,

1507
00:54:12,660 --> 00:54:14,700
you know, the things that we're definitively introducing

1508
00:54:14,700 --> 00:54:17,500
our children to, I think Ace Ventura is fantastic

1509
00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:19,420
to introduce your kids to if you haven't done so yet.

1510
00:54:19,420 --> 00:54:21,100
Now, I will say, I don't know about you,

1511
00:54:21,100 --> 00:54:24,660
but both of my daughters, less so my youngest,

1512
00:54:24,660 --> 00:54:27,180
my oldest is definitely afraid of Jim Carrey.

1513
00:54:27,180 --> 00:54:29,820
(laughing)

1514
00:54:29,820 --> 00:54:31,820
She thinks his face is too weird.

1515
00:54:31,820 --> 00:54:35,660
He thinks all of the facial things that he does is weird.

1516
00:54:35,660 --> 00:54:38,700
Keep in mind, she only remembers seeing him starting

1517
00:54:38,700 --> 00:54:40,380
in the Sonic the Hedgehog movies

1518
00:54:40,380 --> 00:54:43,160
and then working backwards and seeing some of the

1519
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:45,540
Ace Ventura stuff and then you know what I mean?

1520
00:54:45,540 --> 00:54:47,860
So it's the Grinch.

1521
00:54:47,860 --> 00:54:48,700
- The Grinch, yeah.

1522
00:54:48,700 --> 00:54:50,380
- Yeah, her first one is the Grinch

1523
00:54:50,380 --> 00:54:52,460
and when she realized it was the Grinch,

1524
00:54:52,460 --> 00:54:53,780
the Grinch and when she was like,

1525
00:54:53,780 --> 00:54:55,140
I can take the Grinch,

1526
00:54:55,140 --> 00:54:57,900
but Jim Carrey with a makeup off, fuck that.

1527
00:54:57,900 --> 00:54:59,060
That's some scary stuff.

1528
00:54:59,060 --> 00:55:00,740
(laughing)

1529
00:55:00,740 --> 00:55:02,340
So Jim Carrey is--

1530
00:55:02,340 --> 00:55:06,500
- And how poignant was it me talking about

1531
00:55:06,500 --> 00:55:07,740
Fire Martial Bill?

1532
00:55:07,740 --> 00:55:10,340
- Yes, it worked out perfectly.

1533
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:11,820
Now, my 10 year olds, sorry.

1534
00:55:11,820 --> 00:55:13,860
- It's called Call Back folks.

1535
00:55:13,860 --> 00:55:14,700
- Very good.

1536
00:55:14,700 --> 00:55:15,500
- My 10 year olds,

1537
00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:17,020
finally Jim Carrey, she loves him in Sonic

1538
00:55:17,020 --> 00:55:20,340
and I think if I introduced her to the World of Ace Ventura

1539
00:55:20,340 --> 00:55:22,900
pet detective, I just got to get past the tuck portion

1540
00:55:22,900 --> 00:55:24,100
of things from Ace Ventura.

1541
00:55:24,100 --> 00:55:25,340
- Yeah, in order to make that forward.

1542
00:55:25,340 --> 00:55:26,340
- Fast forward through that.

1543
00:55:26,340 --> 00:55:28,340
- Yeah, but nonetheless, I think a great move

1544
00:55:28,340 --> 00:55:29,940
by parents to let their kids,

1545
00:55:29,940 --> 00:55:31,700
again, she didn't give the age,

1546
00:55:31,700 --> 00:55:32,860
doesn't give the ages here,

1547
00:55:32,860 --> 00:55:34,820
but the fact that the kids keep talking out of their butt

1548
00:55:34,820 --> 00:55:35,900
when the parent comes back,

1549
00:55:35,900 --> 00:55:38,020
A, introduced them to a great film,

1550
00:55:38,020 --> 00:55:39,500
B, the fact that they mimic that

1551
00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:41,140
and are old enough to do that talking out of the butt

1552
00:55:41,140 --> 00:55:43,860
and get that part, I give that parent thumbs up here.

1553
00:55:43,860 --> 00:55:45,500
So huge victory for her.

1554
00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:47,780
Congratulations, little bit, little bit.

1555
00:55:47,780 --> 00:55:50,060
All right, now Mr. Tatch, time to move on

1556
00:55:50,060 --> 00:55:51,100
to the worst of the worst.

1557
00:55:51,100 --> 00:55:54,420
- It's what I live for.

1558
00:55:54,420 --> 00:55:55,260
- It's what I live for.

1559
00:55:55,260 --> 00:55:56,100
- It's what I live for.

1560
00:55:56,100 --> 00:55:56,940
- We all week.

1561
00:55:56,940 --> 00:55:57,940
- Yeah.

1562
00:55:57,940 --> 00:56:00,660
And as we prepare for the worst parents tournament,

1563
00:56:00,660 --> 00:56:02,380
which will be coming up right around the same time

1564
00:56:02,380 --> 00:56:04,980
that the NCAA basketball tournament happens

1565
00:56:04,980 --> 00:56:06,300
the brackets that go there,

1566
00:56:06,300 --> 00:56:08,420
we still need to make entries into that, right?

1567
00:56:08,420 --> 00:56:11,140
We need to make sure we've got enough parents that compete.

1568
00:56:11,140 --> 00:56:12,900
- Parents have to fight for their right

1569
00:56:12,900 --> 00:56:14,580
to be the worst parent.

1570
00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:15,420
- What you said.

1571
00:56:15,420 --> 00:56:19,780
So we've got three new stories that came to us

1572
00:56:19,780 --> 00:56:22,580
in regards to bad parents this week.

1573
00:56:22,580 --> 00:56:24,580
Now, I don't know if they all came from this week,

1574
00:56:24,580 --> 00:56:25,620
they could be years old, I don't know,

1575
00:56:25,620 --> 00:56:28,820
but in any case, the stories are here for us this week

1576
00:56:28,820 --> 00:56:30,340
to address on Dad's home.

1577
00:56:30,340 --> 00:56:33,780
We'll start with the parent who punches out the principal

1578
00:56:33,780 --> 00:56:34,620
to basketball game.

1579
00:56:34,620 --> 00:56:36,660
The parent hit the principal.

1580
00:56:36,660 --> 00:56:38,340
She's knocked to the ground.

1581
00:56:38,340 --> 00:56:41,820
The police say she noticed young children walking onto the court

1582
00:56:41,820 --> 00:56:43,260
while the game was being played.

1583
00:56:43,260 --> 00:56:46,540
- Okay, keep in mind, the principal noticed

1584
00:56:46,540 --> 00:56:49,580
that young children were on the court during the basketball game

1585
00:56:49,580 --> 00:56:53,020
so the principal decided that's not safe, right?

1586
00:56:53,020 --> 00:56:55,380
You got to get basketball game where these kids can get trampled.

1587
00:56:55,380 --> 00:56:57,100
- You can see the principal getting up

1588
00:56:57,100 --> 00:56:59,420
so the little kids didn't get hurt.

1589
00:56:59,420 --> 00:57:03,900
At least two times she pulls the kids back while the game is in play.

1590
00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:07,180
At some point, Plackerman police chief Stephen Angolio says

1591
00:57:07,180 --> 00:57:11,340
words were exchanged and the mom was having none of it.

1592
00:57:11,340 --> 00:57:12,860
- The principal sitting in a chair,

1593
00:57:12,860 --> 00:57:18,860
the lady walking by with three kids until and one of her friends.

1594
00:57:18,860 --> 00:57:21,660
And the principal asked her, you know,

1595
00:57:21,660 --> 00:57:24,860
they keep keeping kids off the basketball court

1596
00:57:24,860 --> 00:57:27,660
disrupt the whole game.

1597
00:57:27,660 --> 00:57:30,060
She obviously took offense with that

1598
00:57:30,060 --> 00:57:33,020
and she, you see her moving on the teacher,

1599
00:57:33,020 --> 00:57:35,420
she put her hand up, kind of keep her off

1600
00:57:35,420 --> 00:57:37,500
and she just punched her and I grabbed the chair.

1601
00:57:37,500 --> 00:57:39,980
- Now that's not gonna go over well for the parents of the kids.

1602
00:57:39,980 --> 00:57:41,500
I don't think, I don't think that's gonna get you

1603
00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:43,260
an automatic A in the classroom.

1604
00:57:43,260 --> 00:57:46,300
But more importantly, do you see how she's holding,

1605
00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:47,260
let me just bring this back up.

1606
00:57:47,260 --> 00:57:50,140
Do you see how she's holding the toddler?

1607
00:57:50,140 --> 00:57:52,140
While she's doing this?

1608
00:57:52,140 --> 00:57:53,340
- She's putting this in the,

1609
00:57:53,340 --> 00:57:57,500
- Look at this, once again, she's holding the toddler in her hand

1610
00:57:57,500 --> 00:58:00,300
while she slaps the principal.

1611
00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:01,740
- She's Jim obtained by the deputy.

1612
00:58:01,740 --> 00:58:03,260
- Hold on, hold on, let me just bring this up.

1613
00:58:03,260 --> 00:58:04,780
Go back, it's a quick second.

1614
00:58:04,780 --> 00:58:06,780
Toddler is in the pan.

1615
00:58:06,780 --> 00:58:09,100
- And she's holding the hand of another kid.

1616
00:58:09,100 --> 00:58:11,820
- The babies in her hand, the toddler is being held by her hand.

1617
00:58:11,820 --> 00:58:13,900
She's got both of them, she releases the toddler

1618
00:58:13,900 --> 00:58:15,100
to smack the principal.

1619
00:58:15,100 --> 00:58:16,380
- The parent hit the principal.

1620
00:58:16,380 --> 00:58:17,980
- Oh!

1621
00:58:17,980 --> 00:58:23,740
- All right, again, the principal just and as athlete dads,

1622
00:58:23,740 --> 00:58:26,060
we've talked about this before, you know,

1623
00:58:26,060 --> 00:58:28,860
the safety on the game for the, for kids around,

1624
00:58:28,860 --> 00:58:31,820
as well as the people, fans, parents that are watching,

1625
00:58:31,820 --> 00:58:35,260
empires, everybody involved, safety is absolutely over important.

1626
00:58:35,260 --> 00:58:37,100
You had kids that were just walking out of the court.

1627
00:58:37,100 --> 00:58:39,100
I don't know if mom was checking her phone or what she's doing.

1628
00:58:39,100 --> 00:58:40,700
She had two kids clearly overwhelmed,

1629
00:58:40,700 --> 00:58:43,260
but that doesn't give you the right to go and smack a principal

1630
00:58:43,260 --> 00:58:44,540
who's trying to protect your kid.

1631
00:58:44,540 --> 00:58:50,540
I mean, come on.

1632
00:58:50,540 --> 00:58:51,500
What are we doing here?

1633
00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:55,580
- This is, we're being terrible humans is really...

1634
00:58:55,580 --> 00:58:57,340
- We're making people make people...

1635
00:58:57,340 --> 00:58:59,260
- Oh, that can be, I'm it.

1636
00:58:59,260 --> 00:59:00,100
- Right?

1637
00:59:00,100 --> 00:59:01,180
- Oh, shut the fuck up!

1638
00:59:01,180 --> 00:59:02,780
- That's what I say.

1639
00:59:02,780 --> 00:59:03,660
That's what I say.

1640
00:59:03,660 --> 00:59:04,780
- Yeah!

1641
00:59:04,780 --> 00:59:06,220
All right, now here's the second one

1642
00:59:06,220 --> 00:59:08,580
that I kind of got to kick out of and laugh out of it

1643
00:59:08,580 --> 00:59:10,140
at the same time.

1644
00:59:10,140 --> 00:59:13,180
You tortured the shit out of your kids here.

1645
00:59:13,180 --> 00:59:14,180
- Who did that?

1646
00:59:14,180 --> 00:59:15,980
- I did do that!

1647
00:59:15,980 --> 00:59:20,420
- Harmless prank or outrageous abuse of their kids.

1648
00:59:20,420 --> 00:59:22,580
The video starts with a Maryland mother

1649
00:59:22,580 --> 00:59:25,340
holding a bottle of magic disappearing ink.

1650
00:59:25,340 --> 00:59:29,540
I'm gonna squirt it all over his carpet and start flipping out.

1651
00:59:29,540 --> 00:59:31,220
- That's exactly what you got.

1652
00:59:31,220 --> 00:59:32,060
- That's a great prank.

1653
00:59:32,060 --> 00:59:32,900
- That's a great prank.

1654
00:59:32,900 --> 00:59:34,140
- For her 10 year old son, Cody.

1655
00:59:34,140 --> 00:59:35,740
- What the fuck?

1656
00:59:35,740 --> 00:59:37,340
- You did do that!

1657
00:59:37,340 --> 00:59:38,540
- I love you, dad!

1658
00:59:38,540 --> 00:59:40,180
- Oh my God!

1659
00:59:40,180 --> 00:59:42,860
- A mother's son is suddenly dragging into it.

1660
00:59:42,860 --> 00:59:44,180
- And then they bring the other kid in.

1661
00:59:44,180 --> 00:59:45,180
- You got pierced in?

1662
00:59:45,180 --> 00:59:46,020
- No!

1663
00:59:46,020 --> 00:59:47,180
- You got pierced in?

1664
00:59:47,180 --> 00:59:48,940
- You broke dinner!

1665
00:59:48,940 --> 00:59:50,300
- Both youngsters burst.

1666
00:59:50,300 --> 00:59:53,420
- Now keep in mind, I don't know who the other kids are behind them

1667
00:59:53,420 --> 00:59:55,940
'cause these are two poor kids that are standing in the chair

1668
00:59:55,940 --> 00:59:58,380
going, "I didn't do this, I don't know where this came from."

1669
00:59:58,380 --> 01:00:00,620
And the parents know full well that they've done

1670
01:00:00,620 --> 01:00:01,740
this is a prank on their kids.

1671
01:00:01,740 --> 01:00:03,420
But there's two other kids in the background

1672
01:00:03,420 --> 01:00:04,940
that could very well be their friends.

1673
01:00:04,940 --> 01:00:09,700
What awkward place does that put those kids in the top of it?

1674
01:00:09,700 --> 01:00:12,260
- Oh, my mom just called me home for dinner.

1675
01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:14,020
- You come home crying.

1676
01:00:14,020 --> 01:00:16,540
- God, because Cody was getting in trouble for shit

1677
01:00:16,540 --> 01:00:17,740
that he didn't end up doing,

1678
01:00:17,740 --> 01:00:19,980
that mom was just playing a prank on.

1679
01:00:19,980 --> 01:00:21,460
And this goes a little far.

1680
01:00:21,460 --> 01:00:23,380
- To tears, there's shelter.

1681
01:00:23,380 --> 01:00:24,820
- To be so falsely.

1682
01:00:24,820 --> 01:00:27,300
- You get these kids crying, they're fucking,

1683
01:00:27,300 --> 01:00:30,180
this is fair, you just, you assured yourself.

1684
01:00:30,180 --> 01:00:32,140
If you weren't sure before.

1685
01:00:32,140 --> 01:00:33,820
However all these kids are, I'm gonna look at them,

1686
01:00:33,820 --> 01:00:36,860
they're probably like close to seven, eight, nine years old.

1687
01:00:36,860 --> 01:00:39,740
You just assured yourself that you're going to have therapy bills

1688
01:00:39,740 --> 01:00:41,180
coming up here.

1689
01:00:41,180 --> 01:00:42,020
- A hundred percent.

1690
01:00:42,020 --> 01:00:44,260
- Not only that, yeah, but this is that.

1691
01:00:44,260 --> 01:00:47,260
This is one of these moments that will stick in that kid's mind

1692
01:00:47,260 --> 01:00:48,340
the rest of his life.

1693
01:00:48,340 --> 01:00:51,660
So he's gonna be a pain in the ass the rest of the way.

1694
01:00:51,660 --> 01:00:55,660
- Used only after three minutes of torment to the parent.

1695
01:00:55,660 --> 01:00:58,800
And then, by the way, they're standing in front,

1696
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:00,740
pointing directly at them.

1697
01:01:00,740 --> 01:01:03,540
- Yo, you know, you did this and you should have,

1698
01:01:03,540 --> 01:01:05,500
oh my God, these poor kids.

1699
01:01:05,500 --> 01:01:06,660
This is not a prank anymore.

1700
01:01:06,660 --> 01:01:09,580
This is not a, ha ha, we had eggs falling your head

1701
01:01:09,580 --> 01:01:11,300
when you walk through the door.

1702
01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:13,700
- Straight up torture, mental torture.

1703
01:01:13,700 --> 01:01:14,700
- This is torture.

1704
01:01:14,700 --> 01:01:15,540
- This is finally revealed.

1705
01:01:15,540 --> 01:01:16,540
- This is fucking terrible.

1706
01:01:16,540 --> 01:01:17,540
- A prank.

1707
01:01:17,540 --> 01:01:19,380
- We got you, boom.

1708
01:01:19,380 --> 01:01:22,300
- You were a person bystander.

1709
01:01:22,300 --> 01:01:23,820
- Yeah.

1710
01:01:23,820 --> 01:01:25,980
You just got owned.

1711
01:01:25,980 --> 01:01:27,540
- Wow, what assholes.

1712
01:01:27,540 --> 01:01:31,420
These parents are, okay, so that's video number two.

1713
01:01:31,420 --> 01:01:34,260
Now, so far you're saying yourself Chad,

1714
01:01:34,260 --> 01:01:36,260
'cause I can hear it in your head.

1715
01:01:36,260 --> 01:01:38,020
Telepathically, we're on the same page.

1716
01:01:38,020 --> 01:01:39,220
What could be worse than that?

1717
01:01:39,220 --> 01:01:41,100
Let me introduce you.

1718
01:01:41,100 --> 01:01:42,100
- But wait.

1719
01:01:42,100 --> 01:01:43,020
- But wait, there's more.

1720
01:01:43,020 --> 01:01:45,860
Let me introduce you to news story number three.

1721
01:01:45,860 --> 01:01:46,700
- Jesus.

1722
01:01:46,700 --> 01:01:49,700
- The video that caught our attention, a tattoo artist

1723
01:01:49,700 --> 01:01:51,900
giving a tattoo to a nine year old girl

1724
01:01:51,900 --> 01:01:54,620
posted on Instagram by the artist himself.

1725
01:01:54,620 --> 01:01:57,820
It happened at Black Onyx Empire, Chad 2 and Yuma

1726
01:01:57,820 --> 01:02:01,060
and it was actually the second time the young girl came here.

1727
01:02:01,060 --> 01:02:03,460
The Instagram video states her parents, boom.

1728
01:02:03,460 --> 01:02:06,820
- Soak that in for a second, she's nine.

1729
01:02:06,820 --> 01:02:09,420
It's the second time she's been to the tattoo parlor.

1730
01:02:09,420 --> 01:02:11,900
Settle, let it settle.

1731
01:02:11,900 --> 01:02:13,980
- Brought her here from out of state,

1732
01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:16,060
wanting a tattoo showing Donald Trump

1733
01:02:16,060 --> 01:02:17,500
on the girl's neck.

1734
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,100
According to Arizona law,

1735
01:02:19,100 --> 01:02:21,220
it's legal to do this to a minor

1736
01:02:21,220 --> 01:02:22,660
with the parents' permission.

1737
01:02:22,660 --> 01:02:23,500
- Okay.

1738
01:02:23,500 --> 01:02:28,380
I would make the argument not the classiest thing to do.

1739
01:02:28,380 --> 01:02:32,740
However, you feel about neck tattoos, I understand,

1740
01:02:32,740 --> 01:02:35,700
and there are plenty of people who think that they are amazing.

1741
01:02:35,700 --> 01:02:40,700
I feel like your nine year old daughter,

1742
01:02:40,700 --> 01:02:43,620
even if she, at nine years old,

1743
01:02:44,500 --> 01:02:46,180
is she a fan of blueie still?

1744
01:02:46,180 --> 01:02:48,380
Why is she getting a Trump tattoo on her neck?

1745
01:02:48,380 --> 01:02:50,620
Like I can't believe that she's asked,

1746
01:02:50,620 --> 01:02:51,460
I'm not saying it's true.

1747
01:02:51,460 --> 01:02:54,580
If it was a Biden tattoo, I'd be just as concerned.

1748
01:02:54,580 --> 01:02:56,220
I feel like, what are you doing?

1749
01:02:56,220 --> 01:02:58,300
Why are you allowing this to happen?

1750
01:02:58,300 --> 01:03:03,060
And who knows at nine years old?

1751
01:03:03,060 --> 01:03:04,700
Like what is your kids like at nine?

1752
01:03:04,700 --> 01:03:07,540
You're like, let's permanently affix that to your body.

1753
01:03:07,540 --> 01:03:08,540
Let's do that.

1754
01:03:08,540 --> 01:03:12,060
I can't, there's nothing right?

1755
01:03:13,220 --> 01:03:14,060
What?

1756
01:03:14,060 --> 01:03:17,740
And who's the artist, the general case this?

1757
01:03:17,740 --> 01:03:18,820
Who's the tattoo artist?

1758
01:03:18,820 --> 01:03:20,220
It's like, I don't want it.

1759
01:03:20,220 --> 01:03:22,500
Yeah, your money's good here, your money spends.

1760
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,380
- Forget about, let's get this ink done.

1761
01:03:24,380 --> 01:03:26,780
Let's put this shit on that kid's neck.

1762
01:03:26,780 --> 01:03:29,820
Let's put that shit on the kid's neck.

1763
01:03:29,820 --> 01:03:32,980
- It is one of the most frustrating things

1764
01:03:32,980 --> 01:03:35,260
about our career field,

1765
01:03:35,260 --> 01:03:38,620
and you're in Arizona, which has no regulations.

1766
01:03:38,620 --> 01:03:41,580
- Ben Shaw, the Alliance of Professional Tattooist says,

1767
01:03:41,580 --> 01:03:44,140
Arizona is one of the least regulated states

1768
01:03:44,140 --> 01:03:47,980
for tattoo artists where no license is required to practice.

1769
01:03:47,980 --> 01:03:49,940
- Oh, Jesus.

1770
01:03:49,940 --> 01:03:51,460
Hold on a second.

1771
01:03:51,460 --> 01:03:54,020
You don't even have to have, like it's one thing to say,

1772
01:03:54,020 --> 01:03:56,180
my nine year old got a tattoo on her neck,

1773
01:03:56,180 --> 01:03:59,700
but you don't have to be licensed to be able to do that?

1774
01:03:59,700 --> 01:04:03,060
No, so you can just grab any old meth head

1775
01:04:03,060 --> 01:04:07,460
from there, you know, you ma, fucking you ma.

1776
01:04:07,460 --> 01:04:08,300
- Oh, what?

1777
01:04:08,300 --> 01:04:09,300
You don't even need to be a liar.

1778
01:04:09,300 --> 01:04:10,780
- Put it, put it, put it, you know,

1779
01:04:10,780 --> 01:04:12,340
put a tattoo gun on the guy's thing and say,

1780
01:04:12,340 --> 01:04:13,660
hey, it's my kid, keep put it,

1781
01:04:13,660 --> 01:04:16,220
talk to you on him, I'll pay you a 50 bucks.

1782
01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:19,460
He's thinking, I'm a meth head, 50 bucks is a lot of money.

1783
01:04:19,460 --> 01:04:20,300
That's good.

1784
01:04:20,300 --> 01:04:21,140
- If you ain't gonna do it,

1785
01:04:21,140 --> 01:04:22,540
I'm just gonna drop her off at the prison,

1786
01:04:22,540 --> 01:04:24,500
let them do it there.

1787
01:04:24,500 --> 01:04:25,780
That's all I'm gonna do.

1788
01:04:25,780 --> 01:04:26,620
That's all I'm gonna do.

1789
01:04:26,620 --> 01:04:29,060
- You get 50 bucks so you can go buy your meth here.

1790
01:04:29,060 --> 01:04:31,220
- Oh, fuck it.

1791
01:04:31,220 --> 01:04:32,220
- Hey people.

1792
01:04:32,220 --> 01:04:33,940
- Take, oh my God.

1793
01:04:33,940 --> 01:04:37,420
- That something is legal doesn't mean it's ethical.

1794
01:04:37,420 --> 01:04:39,540
- If you think, see a 10 year old child

1795
01:04:39,540 --> 01:04:41,500
with a professional looking tattoo

1796
01:04:41,500 --> 01:04:43,460
and they said they got it at a tattoo shop

1797
01:04:43,460 --> 01:04:46,420
and kind of degrades a whole.

1798
01:04:46,420 --> 01:04:47,260
- You think?

1799
01:04:47,260 --> 01:04:48,140
- Tattoo on someone this young

1800
01:04:48,140 --> 01:04:50,540
doesn't sit well with everyone we spoke to.

1801
01:04:50,540 --> 01:04:51,380
- No way.

1802
01:04:51,380 --> 01:04:54,180
No, no, that's crazy.

1803
01:04:54,180 --> 01:04:58,100
- I wouldn't let my daughter underage get any tattoo.

1804
01:04:58,100 --> 01:05:00,140
- No, no, what?

1805
01:05:00,140 --> 01:05:00,980
Who?

1806
01:05:00,980 --> 01:05:01,820
- No.

1807
01:05:01,820 --> 01:05:04,300
- Actually, I really would love one of these interviews

1808
01:05:04,300 --> 01:05:06,580
that they, you know, man about sound with a mic.

1809
01:05:06,580 --> 01:05:08,460
What do you think about kids getting tattooed?

1810
01:05:08,460 --> 01:05:10,740
They just happen across the one A hole who's like,

1811
01:05:10,740 --> 01:05:11,780
oh, that's a fucking great idea.

1812
01:05:11,780 --> 01:05:12,620
What are you talking about?

1813
01:05:12,620 --> 01:05:17,020
- Dude, I got a new born that's in Neku.

1814
01:05:17,020 --> 01:05:18,820
But as soon as that fucker gets out,

1815
01:05:18,820 --> 01:05:20,460
we're getting one of these tattoos, right?

1816
01:05:20,460 --> 01:05:22,460
- We're telling his ass up.

1817
01:05:22,460 --> 01:05:23,740
- Should wait a while.

1818
01:05:23,740 --> 01:05:24,580
- Mean while.

1819
01:05:24,580 --> 01:05:26,940
- Should wait a while she's nine.

1820
01:05:26,940 --> 01:05:30,020
How about another at least solids of 10 years?

1821
01:05:30,020 --> 01:05:31,140
- Nine years, nine years.

1822
01:05:31,140 --> 01:05:32,140
- Nine years of age.

1823
01:05:32,140 --> 01:05:33,140
- Nine years of age.

1824
01:05:33,140 --> 01:05:34,580
- This mom of three says,

1825
01:05:34,580 --> 01:05:38,500
"I think if you let your teenagers do what they want,

1826
01:05:38,500 --> 01:05:40,740
let's slow it down on a quicker."

1827
01:05:40,740 --> 01:05:42,180
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1828
01:05:42,180 --> 01:05:43,420
She's nine.

1829
01:05:43,420 --> 01:05:47,620
- Hey, hey, here's my, here's my, my, my, Huckleberry.

1830
01:05:47,620 --> 01:05:50,620
She is, she is advocating nine year old tattoos.

1831
01:05:50,620 --> 01:05:53,180
If you give a kid a tattoo at nine,

1832
01:05:53,180 --> 01:05:55,940
they'll have less tattoos by the time they're 18.

1833
01:05:55,940 --> 01:05:58,340
- Right, that's how, yeah, you're, you, they'll have had

1834
01:05:58,340 --> 01:05:59,180
- Slow down on it.

1835
01:05:59,180 --> 01:06:01,540
- They'll be like, hey, hey, no, you know,

1836
01:06:01,540 --> 01:06:04,780
I got this wonderful work of arc right here on my,

1837
01:06:04,780 --> 01:06:07,100
on my jugular, I got that done when I was nine.

1838
01:06:07,100 --> 01:06:08,460
I don't need to have anything more.

1839
01:06:08,460 --> 01:06:10,420
I don't need that dragon on my back anymore.

1840
01:06:10,420 --> 01:06:11,660
I'm good.

1841
01:06:11,660 --> 01:06:14,140
- If you tell them I can't, they're gonna find a way.

1842
01:06:14,140 --> 01:06:15,820
- She's nine.

1843
01:06:15,820 --> 01:06:18,380
If you tell her you can't,

1844
01:06:18,380 --> 01:06:20,300
you can, are, are you gonna tell your nine year old?

1845
01:06:20,300 --> 01:06:22,180
Hey, you know, that chocolate cake,

1846
01:06:22,180 --> 01:06:24,180
that piece of chocolate cake you can't have a second piece

1847
01:06:24,180 --> 01:06:26,620
'cause that's, you're gonna be on a sugar high

1848
01:06:26,620 --> 01:06:28,340
and you also could be diabetic.

1849
01:06:28,340 --> 01:06:30,580
So we're gonna keep the, just one piece of chocolate cake,

1850
01:06:30,580 --> 01:06:32,340
can't have chocolate cake every night of the week, kid.

1851
01:06:32,340 --> 01:06:33,180
Can't do that.

1852
01:06:33,180 --> 01:06:36,140
Oh no, but a tattoo on her fucking net go for it

1853
01:06:36,140 --> 01:06:37,780
every single day of the week.

1854
01:06:37,780 --> 01:06:39,420
- I'm gonna do it three times, the tattoo.

1855
01:06:39,420 --> 01:06:40,260
- Oh, good God.

1856
01:06:40,260 --> 01:06:42,740
- Ah, she is.

1857
01:06:42,740 --> 01:06:45,620
Speaking of meth, that woman right there,

1858
01:06:45,620 --> 01:06:48,740
may, may have shown signs.

1859
01:06:48,740 --> 01:06:49,780
- Not sure.

1860
01:06:49,780 --> 01:06:52,340
- No, I would say that, look,

1861
01:06:52,340 --> 01:06:53,660
people come on.

1862
01:06:53,660 --> 01:06:56,780
- Egg, if tattooers about named,

1863
01:06:56,780 --> 01:06:59,260
you, everybody gets fucking hammered in this.

1864
01:06:59,260 --> 01:07:00,620
Who has the worst name though?

1865
01:07:00,620 --> 01:07:02,660
Like the parents obviously signing up.

1866
01:07:02,660 --> 01:07:04,740
Which I gotta guess the parents are the ones

1867
01:07:04,740 --> 01:07:06,340
who came up with the decision that we should,

1868
01:07:06,340 --> 01:07:08,420
you know how we're gonna own them lips?

1869
01:07:08,420 --> 01:07:09,260
We're gonna get our nine year old

1870
01:07:09,260 --> 01:07:10,620
to get tattooed, Trump on the neck.

1871
01:07:10,620 --> 01:07:12,060
That's how we're gonna do this.

1872
01:07:12,060 --> 01:07:12,900
No, we gotta go out of state.

1873
01:07:12,900 --> 01:07:13,900
We can't do this in our state.

1874
01:07:13,900 --> 01:07:16,220
We gotta go all the, we gotta go take a roadie.

1875
01:07:16,220 --> 01:07:17,860
We gotta get out of Arizona.

1876
01:07:17,860 --> 01:07:20,940
That's a huge, I mean, look,

1877
01:07:20,940 --> 01:07:23,300
I know you're my cousin and we live in Arkansas,

1878
01:07:23,300 --> 01:07:25,140
but we gotta take our daughter.

1879
01:07:25,140 --> 01:07:26,820
- So, over in Arizona.

1880
01:07:26,820 --> 01:07:27,900
- Just some research, you know where we,

1881
01:07:27,900 --> 01:07:29,140
you know, we can't go to our state.

1882
01:07:29,140 --> 01:07:30,180
We can't even go to the next day,

1883
01:07:30,180 --> 01:07:31,100
but you know where we can go?

1884
01:07:31,100 --> 01:07:33,260
I found out, youma, like you go to youma,

1885
01:07:33,260 --> 01:07:34,780
you can get tattooed, you can put a fucking,

1886
01:07:34,780 --> 01:07:36,860
you can hold your kid down with strengths

1887
01:07:36,860 --> 01:07:40,180
and get yourself a neck tattooed on Trump right there.

1888
01:07:40,180 --> 01:07:42,540
- I mean, what do you think?

1889
01:07:42,540 --> 01:07:44,820
We're choosing between putting Trump on the neck

1890
01:07:44,820 --> 01:07:45,820
and a unicorn.

1891
01:07:45,820 --> 01:07:46,900
Which one should we do?

1892
01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:47,900
(laughing)

1893
01:07:47,900 --> 01:07:49,260
I mean, she's not.

1894
01:07:49,260 --> 01:07:52,220
And so, if she came home with bluey on her neck,

1895
01:07:52,220 --> 01:07:53,820
I'd be like, well, that's fucking weird,

1896
01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:55,780
but at least it's, I, okay.

1897
01:07:55,780 --> 01:07:57,780
So now we have...

1898
01:07:57,780 --> 01:07:59,140
- Parent number one.

1899
01:07:59,140 --> 01:07:59,980
- Okay.

1900
01:07:59,980 --> 01:08:01,900
- Parent number one, if we could just revisit this

1901
01:08:01,900 --> 01:08:02,740
for a quick moment.

1902
01:08:02,740 --> 01:08:06,460
Parent number one, held a baby, a newborn,

1903
01:08:06,460 --> 01:08:08,300
while holding the hand of a toddler

1904
01:08:08,300 --> 01:08:10,140
and then punched the principal for protecting

1905
01:08:10,140 --> 01:08:11,940
the kids on the basketball court.

1906
01:08:11,940 --> 01:08:13,340
- What's terrible is...

1907
01:08:13,340 --> 01:08:14,860
- Yeah, sorry, go ahead.

1908
01:08:14,860 --> 01:08:17,460
- Parent number two, the horrible prank

1909
01:08:17,460 --> 01:08:19,820
that they made their kids, their boys cry.

1910
01:08:19,820 --> 01:08:21,940
In front of friends, I'm guessing,

1911
01:08:21,940 --> 01:08:24,540
over spilling ink that was a full plan

1912
01:08:24,540 --> 01:08:26,620
that they had of a disappearing ink,

1913
01:08:26,620 --> 01:08:29,380
to just screw with them mentally and get a,

1914
01:08:29,380 --> 01:08:31,260
and then there's parent number three,

1915
01:08:31,260 --> 01:08:33,220
who drove many states.

1916
01:08:33,220 --> 01:08:35,260
At least one, and that's to me, that's too many.

1917
01:08:35,260 --> 01:08:37,420
Like if you drove at least one to get your kid

1918
01:08:37,420 --> 01:08:38,940
and that's too, that's too much.

1919
01:08:38,940 --> 01:08:41,580
- You just wanna cross the border, that's that.

1920
01:08:41,580 --> 01:08:42,500
- Yeah, even that, even that,

1921
01:08:42,500 --> 01:08:45,580
if you drove more than 30 minutes to take,

1922
01:08:45,580 --> 01:08:48,540
if you won't fucking take your kid to soccer practice

1923
01:08:48,540 --> 01:08:49,740
at 20 minutes away,

1924
01:08:49,740 --> 01:08:52,620
but you're gonna go to a next state to get a neck tattoo

1925
01:08:52,620 --> 01:08:54,140
because that's the place where you can get it

1926
01:08:54,140 --> 01:08:56,140
legally done and you've checked every other state

1927
01:08:56,140 --> 01:08:58,260
in your region, fuck you.

1928
01:08:58,260 --> 01:09:01,860
So the parent number three is neck tattoo, parents.

1929
01:09:01,860 --> 01:09:03,100
Chad, which one of those?

1930
01:09:03,100 --> 01:09:05,100
Only one of those, only one.

1931
01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:08,220
- No, well, so I had, I do,

1932
01:09:08,220 --> 01:09:11,060
I might have to petition the Supreme Court on this one.

1933
01:09:11,060 --> 01:09:14,140
Number one, here's the crazy thing,

1934
01:09:14,140 --> 01:09:15,660
before you roll the drums.

1935
01:09:15,660 --> 01:09:18,420
Parent number one, punched a principal

1936
01:09:18,420 --> 01:09:21,420
and is not the worst one of these two.

1937
01:09:21,420 --> 01:09:23,820
- Parent number one, we might just be able to throw out,

1938
01:09:23,820 --> 01:09:25,100
right? - I know, you're like,

1939
01:09:25,100 --> 01:09:26,540
you're like, you got to pass,

1940
01:09:26,540 --> 01:09:28,940
you got to pass for violence in a school.

1941
01:09:28,940 --> 01:09:33,180
- You held your infant and punched another human being

1942
01:09:33,180 --> 01:09:34,340
and we're ready to just say,

1943
01:09:34,340 --> 01:09:36,420
you're the small fish we're throwing you back.

1944
01:09:36,420 --> 01:09:37,700
- You are, yes.

1945
01:09:37,700 --> 01:09:38,540
- Okay.

1946
01:09:38,540 --> 01:09:41,860
- So now it comes down to the last two and three.

1947
01:09:41,860 --> 01:09:46,020
- And so going to the Supreme Court on this one,

1948
01:09:46,020 --> 01:09:49,460
this is one where both of these are so fucking terrible

1949
01:09:49,460 --> 01:09:52,660
that it's a tie, it's a dead heat for me.

1950
01:09:52,660 --> 01:09:56,300
And I just, I can't, both of them, like you could just keep going

1951
01:09:56,300 --> 01:09:58,940
and like, oh, but this is worse, though, this is worse.

1952
01:09:58,940 --> 01:10:00,940
But you see how bad this is?

1953
01:10:00,940 --> 01:10:03,540
Both of them, both of them, to be fair, both of them,

1954
01:10:03,540 --> 01:10:05,820
like you say, leave permanent scars.

1955
01:10:05,820 --> 01:10:06,660
- Yes. - Right.

1956
01:10:06,660 --> 01:10:09,340
- Now I would say, I would say,

1957
01:10:09,340 --> 01:10:10,340
and here's the only difference

1958
01:10:10,340 --> 01:10:11,460
that I can make between the two.

1959
01:10:11,460 --> 01:10:15,060
I would say in the case of the parents playing the prank,

1960
01:10:15,060 --> 01:10:19,340
at least those scars aren't going to be seen readily.

1961
01:10:19,340 --> 01:10:21,860
Like you can hide some of those scars.

1962
01:10:21,860 --> 01:10:26,860
You can wear a button up collar

1963
01:10:26,860 --> 01:10:29,620
and still not see the scars,

1964
01:10:29,620 --> 01:10:32,100
but the tattoo on your neck,

1965
01:10:32,100 --> 01:10:33,300
you can wear a button up shirt

1966
01:10:33,300 --> 01:10:36,620
and we're still gonna see the big orange hair, right?

1967
01:10:36,620 --> 01:10:39,500
That's gonna be there from the bottom of the tattoo

1968
01:10:39,500 --> 01:10:40,340
on the side of your neck.

1969
01:10:40,340 --> 01:10:42,140
And I would say the same thing about the big bald head

1970
01:10:42,140 --> 01:10:43,900
of Joe Biden, but of my point is,

1971
01:10:43,900 --> 01:10:48,100
is that whatever it is, we're still on a nine year old

1972
01:10:48,100 --> 01:10:50,380
that's gonna have this neck tattoo,

1973
01:10:50,380 --> 01:10:51,620
we can still see that.

1974
01:10:51,620 --> 01:10:53,500
- So I, if I'm...

1975
01:10:53,500 --> 01:10:55,900
- You've convinced me, you've convinced me of the two.

1976
01:10:55,900 --> 01:10:57,980
That is the squeaker though, is the fact that

1977
01:10:57,980 --> 01:11:01,220
that the dumb thing here is is that they pick something

1978
01:11:01,220 --> 01:11:03,420
that was like temporary, right?

1979
01:11:03,420 --> 01:11:08,420
Like a politician, out of the out of office in four years,

1980
01:11:08,420 --> 01:11:10,700
just any politician, but anything political,

1981
01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:14,180
that anything that's a trend like that,

1982
01:11:14,180 --> 01:11:15,940
that's just like, not only that,

1983
01:11:15,940 --> 01:11:19,140
I always say this is my advice, my fatherly advice

1984
01:11:19,140 --> 01:11:20,740
to anybody thinking about getting a tattoo

1985
01:11:20,740 --> 01:11:23,700
is to stay away from names or images of popular people

1986
01:11:23,700 --> 01:11:25,340
because, and here's why,

1987
01:11:25,340 --> 01:11:26,980
because you never know what's gonna happen

1988
01:11:26,980 --> 01:11:28,660
some years down the road, right?

1989
01:11:28,660 --> 01:11:31,260
You never know all of a sudden out of no place,

1990
01:11:31,260 --> 01:11:33,540
you've got this awesome Dale Earnhardt tattoo

1991
01:11:33,540 --> 01:11:35,940
that you're like, oh, fuck man, I have a huge NASCAR fan,

1992
01:11:35,940 --> 01:11:37,020
it's got, it was amazing.

1993
01:11:37,020 --> 01:11:39,540
And then stories come out about how Dale Earnhardt

1994
01:11:39,540 --> 01:11:43,500
senior molested an entire group of like, you know,

1995
01:11:43,500 --> 01:11:45,340
we blow scouts or some shit.

1996
01:11:45,340 --> 01:11:46,940
And you're like, hold on a second,

1997
01:11:46,940 --> 01:11:49,060
I just got the tattoo 15 years ago,

1998
01:11:49,060 --> 01:11:52,020
too bad, motherfucker, you got that tattoo of that person's name

1999
01:11:52,020 --> 01:11:54,860
because you just don't know what that person's capable

2000
01:11:54,860 --> 01:11:56,500
over what kinds of stories will come out.

2001
01:11:56,500 --> 01:11:59,380
So you don't wanna put, well, you may have all the support

2002
01:11:59,380 --> 01:12:01,980
for whatever they do professionally or LeBron James.

2003
01:12:01,980 --> 01:12:04,140
And then all of a sudden, 10 years from now,

2004
01:12:04,140 --> 01:12:06,740
you find that LeBron James took a bunch of people

2005
01:12:06,740 --> 01:12:09,380
to an island where Jeffrey Epstein used to live.

2006
01:12:09,380 --> 01:12:10,300
Fuck that.

2007
01:12:10,300 --> 01:12:12,140
So the point I'm trying to make here is,

2008
01:12:12,140 --> 01:12:14,060
you stay away from those kinds of things,

2009
01:12:14,060 --> 01:12:17,220
just for that reason, a cool tribal design,

2010
01:12:17,220 --> 01:12:19,340
like I know what I'm talking about.

2011
01:12:19,340 --> 01:12:22,860
A cool tribal design, it's way, way dated.

2012
01:12:22,860 --> 01:12:23,940
That's fine.

2013
01:12:23,940 --> 01:12:25,940
You get that little Chinese symbol

2014
01:12:25,940 --> 01:12:27,660
that you still don't know what it said,

2015
01:12:27,660 --> 01:12:29,500
but they convinced you with a tattoo parlor

2016
01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:31,060
that it was like, oh, that's forever.

2017
01:12:31,060 --> 01:12:33,420
You're like, it could mean I'm a dick.

2018
01:12:33,420 --> 01:12:35,180
I don't know what the Chinese symbol means.

2019
01:12:35,180 --> 01:12:37,860
I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it's there.

2020
01:12:37,860 --> 01:12:40,380
And I got it, so I'm stuck with it now

2021
01:12:40,380 --> 01:12:43,540
and I'm gonna go, well, they told me it was forever.

2022
01:12:43,540 --> 01:12:46,460
Whatever it is, just stay away from those formal names

2023
01:12:46,460 --> 01:12:49,780
and images where shit could go really, really wrong.

2024
01:12:49,780 --> 01:12:52,420
And as it is, we already know there's enough,

2025
01:12:52,420 --> 01:12:56,220
I would have to say chaos around somebody like Donald Trump

2026
01:12:56,220 --> 01:12:58,020
that I don't know if you wanna go put that picture

2027
01:12:58,020 --> 01:13:00,540
on the neck right now when strange shit

2028
01:13:00,540 --> 01:13:02,580
could come out in the next four years.

2029
01:13:02,580 --> 01:13:05,180
- I just, well, yeah, I mean.

2030
01:13:05,180 --> 01:13:06,660
- Strange Earth, that's what I think.

2031
01:13:06,660 --> 01:13:08,500
- Yes, yeah, yeah.

2032
01:13:08,500 --> 01:13:13,500
And I, having that removed later in life too.

2033
01:13:14,020 --> 01:13:17,420
I mean, difficult, right?

2034
01:13:17,420 --> 01:13:20,740
- I can tell you from personal experience,

2035
01:13:20,740 --> 01:13:23,380
the big Bill Cosby back tattoo I had

2036
01:13:23,380 --> 01:13:24,580
had that removed.

2037
01:13:24,580 --> 01:13:27,100
It was really painful.

2038
01:13:27,100 --> 01:13:31,340
It just says across it, you guys don't know this,

2039
01:13:31,340 --> 01:13:32,740
but across it shows, we're gonna picture of it.

2040
01:13:32,740 --> 01:13:35,420
Just says put in pop, right across the shoulders.

2041
01:13:35,420 --> 01:13:38,620
And then a picture of the cause, come on, yeah.

2042
01:13:38,620 --> 01:13:41,580
- In the sweater, in the sweater.

2043
01:13:41,580 --> 01:13:42,860
- I'm gonna have removed, yeah.

2044
01:13:42,860 --> 01:13:44,620
- I do, I've got to picture it someplace.

2045
01:13:44,620 --> 01:13:46,580
- You're like weeks for you to be able to do that

2046
01:13:46,580 --> 01:13:48,180
for a long time to remove that.

2047
01:13:48,180 --> 01:13:50,260
- A lot of money too, a lot of money.

2048
01:13:50,260 --> 01:13:51,420
- A lot of money.

2049
01:13:51,420 --> 01:13:52,540
(laughing)

2050
01:13:52,540 --> 01:13:54,260
- All right, moving into the tournament

2051
01:13:54,260 --> 01:13:56,140
will be the parents who got there,

2052
01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:59,180
we're going to get their tattoo on the neck.

2053
01:13:59,180 --> 01:14:00,020
- That's your job.

2054
01:14:00,020 --> 01:14:00,860
- Nine years.

2055
01:14:00,860 --> 01:14:02,260
- Second tattoo, second.

2056
01:14:02,260 --> 01:14:03,900
- Second trip to a tattoo shop.

2057
01:14:03,900 --> 01:14:06,140
Holy shit, fire, that's amazing.

2058
01:14:06,140 --> 01:14:07,900
All right, well that's it for the dad's home pocket.

2059
01:14:07,900 --> 01:14:08,900
We'll leave you on that note.

2060
01:14:08,900 --> 01:14:13,900
So again, no dropping, skibbity and stay away from neck tattoos

2061
01:14:13,900 --> 01:14:15,500
because if there's only one thing that you've learned

2062
01:14:15,500 --> 01:14:16,700
from this very episode, oh,

2063
01:14:16,700 --> 01:14:18,180
and that your penis is at average size.

2064
01:14:18,180 --> 01:14:20,020
Until next week on the dad's home podcast,

2065
01:14:20,020 --> 01:14:21,220
for Mr. Chad and myself.

2066
01:14:21,220 --> 01:14:22,540
- Sssh, yeah.

2067
01:14:22,540 --> 01:14:28,540
♪ I know sometimes I'm out of control ♪

2068
01:14:28,540 --> 01:14:34,860
♪ You're the only reason I keep on coming ♪

2069
01:14:34,860 --> 01:14:38,860
♪ Yeah, but the only reason I keep on coming ♪

2070
01:14:38,860 --> 01:14:43,860
♪ Yeah, yeah, only the only reason I keep on coming ♪

2071
01:14:43,860 --> 01:14:51,700
- Woo!

2072
01:14:51,700 --> 01:15:14,960
(Pastry Clearser)